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    dots Submission Name: Cardiac Damagedots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589

       My boyfriend of three years just broke up with me. Poorly written.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCardiac Damagedots

    Mutation of cardiac muscle
    Deviation from the original blueprint
    Separation of space from time
    You've torn a hole straight through me

    The heart houses nothing but blood and sin
    Are emotions even real, then?
    There is little to no proof they even exist
    And yet, I'm incapacitated by grief and desire

    I have completed your list of Herculean chores
    And still, nothing I have done is good enough
    "It's not you, it's me" you say,
    But I'm the one that gets thrown away

    Submitted on 2011-04-20 00:52:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      when you can feel objective enough to play with this idea...the immediate pain may not allow that....but in future if you come back to an idea you brought up which is really perfect for a poem..you might do it..

    "the blueprint"

    which you refer to in the next stanza with.."the heart houses"

    i would look at using that metaphor to explore...as a way to express all the feelings you are feeling now...

    i've been through enough of these break ups in my own fairly long life...and often it is very hard to write about them at the time...feelings are too muddled...and confused...

    just thoughts

    | Posted on 2011-04-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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