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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SOS33
    ASL Info:    20/f/usa
    Elite Ratio:    3.25 - 39/51/41
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 324
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1209



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My face
    pushed against
    green and blue polka dots.

    The stench of sweat,
    anger burns my nostrils.

    No.

    Metronomic creaking
    reminds me of the pain
    I try to ignore.

    No.

    Grimy nails on the
    small of my back
    dig into me with the
    wrath of their desire.

    No.

    My racing mind,
    like a viewmaster,
    tries to find the right image to
    pull my thoughts away.

    No.

    Pain radiates up my spine
    through my white knuckles.

    My body is on fire.

    No.

    Closed eyes feebly attempt to prevent dehydration.
    No.
    The roaring of the ears blocks out the metronomic creaks.
    No.
    The taste of cotton overshadows the remnants of ignored pleas.
    No.
    The smell of anger replaces that of the sweat-drenched air.
    No.
    Paralysis from the neck down numbs the body of the pain never-experienced before.

    Shameful Monotony.

    No.

    That which can never be replaced is stolen.





    Submitted on 2011-04-22 02:22:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The metronomic creaking is probably the most powerful line/s in this piece (for me ). The first time it was used was nice, it set the tone for how there is much dormant anger inside you. The second time didn't seem to fit well for me, since metronomic is a rarely used word it sticks out no matter what... Well poetry is imperfect and perfect, no advice is correct remember that, it's only correct if you think It to be. I loved it thought keep it up.
    | Posted on 2011-04-25 00:00:00 | by lone_one | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good,but should I say so when the experience that earned this write up isnt? but i do like when u said the eyes press shut in feeble attempt to halt dehydration stem a flow,a gush of tears,felt that, also the taste of cotton against ignored pleas, felt that, beautiful conveyance of thought plus style of expression,I havent bein down that road where something irreplaceable is barged through but on the pages of eliteskills,pens of squilbled pain like this less or worse,sometimes its not just a need to share but a journey of healin inwards, but I will say this here,we only heal when we let go,attempt at forgetn and live of life what we peaceably and(happily) can. nice piece= Henry Temidayo Nwokobia
    | Posted on 2011-04-25 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so intense in its conveyance of pain...

    the parallels to all the physical pain is so excellent...yet the emotional destruction is so vivid...

    i really felt this...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is excellent writing conveying a strong point. I do not know if you write this from experience or if you are empathizing with those who have. Nonetheless, it is a powerful piece.
    | Posted on 2011-04-23 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I can only think of what this means and if i'm right. I'm so very sorry. Lovely written but you might not get comments because this is a sad and all too real piece. The ending is extremely powerful. The piece is well written Very powerful and conveys a dark imagery that i believe most people are afraid to comment on because of what it means. This is why this problem will never go away. We just turn our eyes and don't wish to talk about it. But i'm a big believer in events don't make us they are merely that Events. you have to play with the demons no matter how dark the are. i do not mean to act upon them just to sit in the dark and see how you are broken and face the fears to become much healthier and stronger. We are here to strengthen the soul for the next journey. By you writing this piece you will be stronger and healthier rather then letting it become a broken piece of your soul. Events happen to us until the stop. We will always make it through it no matter how bad it is. Wonderful Dark Piece very thought provoking and Strong.
    | Posted on 2011-04-22 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]


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