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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fantasy to Realitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 602
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 649



    Description:
       just something real quick will add to later


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFantasy to Realitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    before i lay my head down to sleep
    i pray to the lord for my soul to keep
    these days my breath seem short and weak
    a mind of mysterious thoughts which can't be understood
    a black hole where my heart was held
    leaving my body numb asking myself when am i done
    quicksand the metaphor of my life
    its not about the winning it's about the rivers u cross
    my life vest has failed i'm drowning fast in my own blood.
    leg twitch hands turn into a fist
    thoughts of this twisted mortality
    hoping they turn from fantasy to reality
    this is my blood bath democracy.




    Submitted on 2011-04-23 21:48:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "quicksand the metaphor of my life"

    really good line..i like how you started with the old prayer and turned this into your own...

    it works well for me until the "U"

    unless it is a parody of the text message language, doesn't feel appropriate in a serious piece...which this definitely is.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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