Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: charliedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: skinnydrew
    Elite Ratio:    2.9 - 5/8/11
    Words: 490
    Class/Type: Poetry/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 463
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2863



    Description:
       This is a true story. And it is very serious to me. If anyone wishes to leave any comments please don't post anything negative unless it criticizes how the punctuation or spelling is. This was not easy to write. Thank you


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscharliedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I remember you well
    I thought of you as a friend
    You took me to your world
    You always let me in
    I trusted you more than most
    we had adventures only you know
    you made me happy
    when all hope seemed lost
    we did so much together
    but at what cost
    my mind is now gone
    I will never be the same
    so much was lost
    yet what did I gain?
    Do you remember the times
    we would hang out after school
    with all of our friends
    when I thought you were cool
    the things I would do
    just to spend time with you
    I gave you everything I had
    my money and my mind
    the times were memorable
    but was it worth my time
    my mind always wonders
    I can no longer think straight
    you took advantage of me
    were you really that great?
    When I try to think about it
    I just lose my place
    you postponed all my dreams
    and just held me back
    I feel like a fool
    for giving you that
    I still remember Charlie
    he was our friend
    such a kind and bright lad
    do you remember him?
    He loved you so much
    gave you all that he had
    but you had to have more
    you would never be glad
    do you remember us camping?
    I will never forget that night
    not a cloud in the sky
    to hide the moonlight
    we brought you along
    to have a good time
    what occurred I can't say
    because it was so sad
    what does he do now
    inside of that body bag?
    He gave everything to you
    and then you took his life
    is it never enough
    do you always need more?
    Was it that important
    for us not to be bored?
    I held him in my arms
    as I heard him take his last breath
    I can't undo what was done
    but I can change what will be
    to stop the spread of your lies
    to save the next Charlie
    I will not be able to stop you
    from doing what you do
    but I can't just sit back
    and let this happen to someone new
    you screwed up my brain
    maybe for the worst
    but its time to start a new
    this is my rebirth
    I know your still around
    I hear your name all the time
    I try to tell people
    the truth to your lies
    the greed and deceit
    and the way your disguised
    once you were my friend
    but that time is long gone
    your name fits you well
    you destroy all you touch
    but its time for an end
    this time you took too much
    I pray that one day
    you disappear for good
    I made it through your test
    think god I passed it
    because in the end
    your just a vial of acid




    Submitted on 2011-04-26 14:03:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is a very deep story. you loved charlie, and i know that he was glad to have you there for him and with him in the end. and the desire to keep it from happening to others, and to stop the person who did it, that all flows out so neatly in a beautiful prose of poetry. i was in tears by the end. very nicely done. i hope the person who hurt you gets it back 10x. <3
    | Posted on 2011-04-27 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190594

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Live In Between written by teika5
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry