Iâ€™ve had to kill myself, cut by cut,
Never having the courage for one fell swoop.
Chemical scalpel to my mind,
Erasing the trauma proof by proof.
I never realized I was at war,
A victim to your terror,
I loved you like the child I was,
You fucked me like your prisoner.
Love has become a currency,
To purchase what I need,
Emotions all manufactured,
With crocodile blood I bleed
From every oozing open wound
That I let scab then scrape
From every purple fucking bruise,
From every single rape,
From every sisal fiber blistering
Like a chain around my neck
From every finger print you left tatooed
into my virgin flesh.
You took everything I was from me
My past, my present, my future,
And as I child I had to learn
To operate and to suture.
I did the best I ever could,
I had to make you proud,
I choked the reality from my throat
This could never be spoken aloud.
It seems a little safer here,
behind this sallowed pane of glass,
Scared of seeing clearly this person you made me,
Afraid of becoming my past.
I do this for you,
Though you did this to me,
I keep myself buried,
And you walked away free.