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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bacetti dell'Estatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.09 - 366/363/154
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 549
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1000



    Description:
       i had to get this out of my system before bed. this is roughly a first draft. please point out any typos you may find.

    bacetti d'estate = littles kisses of summer in italian


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBacetti dell'Estatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    it's here, in the fat fields,
    when the days are swollen like blackberries, and
    the lemon tree is heavy with epiphanies; that

    I, a seedling, flourish with the kisses of your mouth.

    each dawn you wrap your immortal light around the blue stars-
    your voice rustles the bees from their hive;
    they take flight, and make love to the dandelions.

    iridescent, you arrive in the butterfly, and
    like the peach, you ripen with each hue of summer.

    I, a philosopher, captive in my tower, have become a poet-


    ravished-
    these ink stained fingers pluck you from the bough.
    I take vengeance in your body-
    a savage that ravages the cluster of your navel.

    goddess-
    scarlet lips full with sun and song,
    pomegranate breast, honeysuckle strands,
    rose apple thighs-

    you are summer, statuesque in your surrender and sweet.




    Submitted on 2011-05-06 09:25:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Until I got to the last two stanzas I was thinking how utterly brilliant this was because it works on multiple levels. However, that isn’t to say I still didn’t really enjoy it. Up to that point I was just thinking how this could be taken literally or as metaphoric to a woman or even Christ (GOD). Though in that light the Pascal things confuses me.

    “ it's here, in the fat fields,
    when the days are swollen like blackberries”

    That is probably my favorite line in the entire piece. Don’t ask me why because I have not explanation.

    “…lemon tree is heavy with epiphanies”

    That is a very clever line, though; I fear you give too much credit to the populace of this site and to people in general. This will go over many, many heads

    “a philosopher, captive in my tower, have become a poet-
    for you; not Pascal have saved me.”

    This is called to me, and though it is the source of my ultimate confusion, it is still awesome writing in my book. Thanks for the overall enjoyable read…
    | Posted on 2011-05-17 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      
    First, one little thing about your title, & this is a grammar issue pertaining to the Italian (& other languages) obsession for definitive articles. Should be "dell'estate".

    But yes, I like this Italian working in. :)

    Though I have to say, maybe it should be "bacioni": big kisses, though that doesn't sound as good.

    Relating to that, though, this is big, & I really enjoy that. It's impassioned that is almost violent, but then there are these subdued images that keep it balanced, soft, smooth. There is the nature, almost savage, but so beautiful too that that becomes the entirely wrong word. Not sure what I am getting at here, but this is lovely.

    I especially love that opening, with the idea of "fat fields" and "swollen blackberries". Those are such surprising adjectives because they are not usually positive, but here they truly exemplify the lushness. & the pacing is good too, giving your ideas & images the space to be.

    & the bees, & the flowers, & the lover, the tower, the attention to certain body parts, it's all lovely & full.

    My only nit pick would be that "not Pascal have saved me." Comes across as a bit awkward.

    You should post more.
    | Posted on 2011-05-06 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      you are tough but sweet---statuesque, yet not someone to fear but someone to love...who is softer than the outside reveals...

    "the days are swollen like blackberries,/ and the lemon tree heavy with epiphanies"

    great two lines...reminds me of peter paul and mary.."lemon tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat"

    only here maybe the fruit of the lemon is very possible to eat, savor like passion, enjoy...

    this is such an exquisite love poem...the depth of love...the deepness of feeling...metaphorically written...

    "i have become poet for you"

    let down your hair rapunzel...i want to climb upon your beauty...

    i like
    "take vengeance in your body/ a savage that ravages the cluster of you navel"

    nice in-rhyme and alliteration...soft, subtle but rhythmic...

    a very different and sensual love poem....

    don't even see tweaking necessary...i like how this reads as is...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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