Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Make Pretenddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 296
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 611
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1878



    Description:
       I wrote this the other day when a wave of emotions ran over me. I heard that my ex-boyfriend was visiting campus and suddenly I couldn't breath, I didn't want to see him but at the same time I did. It is an odd feeling, that maybe I did love him, even though I convinced myself for so long that loving him was impossible. How can you love someone that hurt you so much?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMake Pretenddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Knowing that you are around,
    I can't breath,
    The earth is crashing down
    The rips and tides that hold me
    Right against the wall
    are pushing me to fall
    back in to you.
    Afraid of what you'll say if you see me,
    Point out that my heart won't stop beating
    when you are near me.
    whether from love or fear,
    I can't have you near
    Because you'll judge what isn't right
    Hold it against the time
    When you couldn't lead me to
    Your state of mind.
    This doesn't end in complacency,
    I'm unsure why though
    It seems like everyone else can fall in and out of love
    That the people who once meant the world to them,
    Are either happy memories, forever friends,
    Or forgiven souls and make-pretend.
    but you, you mean forever.
    You mean the months of waiting, of patience,
    Of never-ending guilt, will never leave me,
    As long as you are that two hour and a half drive away.
    Across state lines, inside my mind, you are still
    Just as close as you'll ever be.
    For if I run around the world, I'm sure you'll catch me
    This merry-go-round, make-believe,
    Isn't enough to calm the fact that your place in my life,
    Still scares the living shit out of me.
    And yet I look for you too,
    I look for your figure looming, laughing, holding me,
    For just the thought of you brings me comfort when I am ill,
    Brings me solace, even still.
    When I know I shouldn't,
    I know I'm simply looking in an effort to stop the pain,
    To see if you still feel the way I do,
    If you have changed enough to pursue.

    Maybe I was in love, once, a long time ago. I may never be again.




    Submitted on 2011-05-09 15:02:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey (:

    ofhasdofuhsodlsdhfcvouijhndfcvjkmnfdcvijkmdfcvijk. I hope that's articulate enough to express how much I know what you mean? :D

    What I really like about this (apart from how I can so TOTALLY relate) is just how it's you running off emotion. It's like, you're saying how you feel yet at the same time you're thinking but in a slightly poetic fashion :P

    Ugh, apart from saying "I LOVE THIS" a countless amount of times, I don't think I can get any more constructive. Mostly because I'm just an emotion hoarding sook, but whatevs. DISCLAIMER: This comment holds about 0% help.

    But you've just portrayed this emotion in such a way that one can make their own connections and be like, "yup, been there done that" and yeah. One can really get a sense of how you're feeling and they're feelings that some people can relate to. That breathlessness and that moment when your eyes just go all funny as the rising feeling in your stomach collides with the heart palpitations.
    But you have to make it look like everything's cool.

    Me gusta.

    -Esha
    | Posted on 2011-05-10 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]
      can feel that holding the breath dilemma in here.....

    the poem is pretty straight on...but well worded...it's more about emotion than fancy words.....and always that meeting after a time...with someone we have broken up with...always a question as to how the two people will react to each other...

    i saw one of my exes one day...and said hi to her..we started talking for awhile...then i hugged her, wished her a happy birthday and walked away...i heard her let out a big sigh...later she told me she thought i was going to be angry at her..and start yelling at her...(that was her old boyfriend---he did that to her...so she expected it)

    we never know...and often our whole body and emotional mentality just simply react...we have so little control when it comes right down to it.

    this expresses that pretty well..

    oh, second line "I can't breathe"



    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190792

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry