Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hoarder. dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 690
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 432



    Description:
       IT'S BEEN AGES MKAY.

    GO EASY ON ME. (:

    First post in ages.

    srsly, life is sh*t.

    I'm exhausted with it all.

    Thus my writing sucks.


    MY WRITING SUCKS KCOOL WE'RE CLEAR


    why am I even posting.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHoarder. dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's a hoarder,
    that girl
    sitting alone
    locked up in her own world.

    Her mind clogged
    with memories too precious
    & her eternal longing
    infectious.

    ---

    A room full of memories
    can keep you safe
    But eventually all this 'stuff'
    the misery & hate
    will hit you hard just like a
    tidal wave.




    Submitted on 2011-05-10 03:17:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this piece has a lot of potential :) Honestly, I do. And it isn't too shabby to begin with, either. I like that you used hoarder, a more physical phenomenon, and translated it to the emotional side. Honestly, I would definitely be the hoarder your poem describes, holding on to memories and thoughts for hope that that will comfort and soothe me, when really they just cause pain.

    Good stuff,
    -Miranda
    | Posted on 2011-06-01 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      Not to worry, age will eventually take care of any such problems. Love ya.
    | Posted on 2011-05-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      "just like a tidal wave exposed/ in a leaky attic"


    or something...don't mind me...i'm just adding in my own mind...
    | Posted on 2011-05-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think this piece sucks at all...

    i think the Hoarder idea is really good...and the first two stanzas and half the last one convey that so well...i don't feel the last two lines quite fit...at least to me...i wanted an ending that fit more with the "hoarder" idea....the "
    tidal wave" seems to come out of nowhere from a different poem altogether.

    but saving up the memories, not letting them go...they build up like junk in an attic or basement or trailer and eventually crowd the speaker so much that he or she cannot find a way to the door.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190799

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To written by SavedDragon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Giving written by jjd

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry