[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Hoarder. dots

    Author: EshyFishy
    ASL Info:    21yo mess having crises
    Elite Ratio:    6.92 - 126/123/57
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 432


    GO EASY ON ME. (:

    First post in ages.

    srsly, life is sh*t.

    I'm exhausted with it all.

    Thus my writing sucks.


    why am I even posting.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHoarder. dots

    She's a hoarder,
    that girl
    sitting alone
    locked up in her own world.

    Her mind clogged
    with memories too precious
    & her eternal longing


    A room full of memories
    can keep you safe
    But eventually all this 'stuff'
    the misery & hate
    will hit you hard just like a
    tidal wave.

    Submitted on 2011-05-10 03:17:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this piece has a lot of potential :) Honestly, I do. And it isn't too shabby to begin with, either. I like that you used hoarder, a more physical phenomenon, and translated it to the emotional side. Honestly, I would definitely be the hoarder your poem describes, holding on to memories and thoughts for hope that that will comfort and soothe me, when really they just cause pain.

    Good stuff,
    | Posted on 2011-06-01 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      Not to worry, age will eventually take care of any such problems. Love ya.
    | Posted on 2011-05-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      "just like a tidal wave exposed/ in a leaky attic"

    or something...don't mind me...i'm just adding in my own mind...
    | Posted on 2011-05-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i don't think this piece sucks at all...

    i think the Hoarder idea is really good...and the first two stanzas and half the last one convey that so well...i don't feel the last two lines quite fit...at least to me...i wanted an ending that fit more with the "hoarder" idea....the "
    tidal wave" seems to come out of nowhere from a different poem altogether.

    but saving up the memories, not letting them go...they build up like junk in an attic or basement or trailer and eventually crowd the speaker so much that he or she cannot find a way to the door.

    | Posted on 2011-05-10 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]