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Reflections of Elysian Fields

Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 161
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
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Reflections of Elysian Fields

We were cha-RIPPIN' past sex and falling off the bed
when Johnny (couldn't tell good from bad back then)
held that green wine bottle up over his head and made
the stark announcement, ANNOUNCEMENT! WhenEVER
You see this goddamn duck (That's not a duck, Johnny...)
This goddamn DUCK! (That's not a duck, Johnny!)
Well wtf is it then??? (That's a Swan...)
This goddamn SWAN... you remember me! You remember...
Wait a minute, are you sure that's a swan...?

It swam unaffected by the drugs under a little bridge
in a town stamped on paper, and I swore I'd remember
forever, ForEVER, everything about his room
and that soft sagging bed, and the way the rain stained
the roof-shingles of the house next door, the view
of gray skies and blue eyes and somehow I do
it takes the Mateus to bring him back to me.

Submitted on 2011-05-13 00:00:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  he belched, tipped the bottle
flashed the neighbors and warbled:

I am the King of England
I love to sing and dance
all three of you, stop spinning!
there's a party in my pants...

(which were hung from a street sign
on the Jersey state line)

| Posted on 2011-05-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Good, now flush it out. OR, perhaps write a series and string them together to provide the weight it deserves.
| Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
  okay good scene here...i feel like a the room with johnny and the speaker...wanting to yell at him..."it's a swan" just take another swig...and we'll be forever...

one thing i really like that you capture here is the house across the way, the rain stained roof shingles...

some of the things we notice as we lay in bed after an interlude...where are our thoughts?

do we want to be out there or in here...?

do we feel trapped or content...

is it the wine or do we really like each other...

and what was this that we just did? uh oh!

i remember my first ex wife and i when we were dating...staying at this farmhouse of a friend of hers...the view out the bedroom window was like a helped set the mood...but we didn't have Mateus...or Cold Duck...and there were no Swans...

just a barn...but a beautiful barn...and a cozy feeling...

the mixture of poetry, prose, dialogue, sex, anger...all of it...this is something you do quite well...such raw and real stuff...

excuse me, i will leave you two alone now...

| Posted on 2011-05-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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