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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Queen of the Nightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rev.jpfadeproof
    ASL Info:    27/m/nyc
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 366/359/149
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 606
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1422



    Description:
       writen about the time when my ex-girlfriend and i were walking through a garbage dump (ppl made their homes there) in Reynosa mexico, on a mission trip.
    that night something magical happened. however, all things must come to an end, i guess?

    "Queen of the night" blooms for only one night in the desert and is consider by many botanist to be one of the most fragrant and unique flowers in the world.
    video: http://www.youtube.com/user/dqbloom#p/a/u/1/DCFGm9_yIPw

    i had to get this out tonight, and will come back and do some editing. as usually, this is a rough draft.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsQueen of the Nightdots
    -------------------------------------------



    the seraph moon
    solemnly stood, a harbinger of hope that evening, we walked

    heart in hand through Reynosa's dumps,
    as the smoke rose from the burning debris as incense, and
    pooled at the feet of God---

    love graced us as a flower; the bud that we've carried
    in the secret dark places of our heart had blossomed and

    given wings to our union. time herself seemed to stop,
    not daring to disturb or corrupt.

    in the distance a dirty faced, shoeless child, sends a bird
    fleeing with the clap of his scavenging hands, and

    the haggard donkey whelps, the gaunt chickens toss;
    there is no red wheelbarrow, no rain to glaze it, no one to notice.

    i often wonder about that boy, about his motives to do such a thing;
    to send the iridescent gift into the colorless night- imparting

    a piece of himself into that bird in hopes for transcendence.

    with the moon cascaded across your face, the chatoyant sand
    glimmered against your skin as fallen stars---

    you were lovely, diaphanous as an azalea petal. but alas
    la Regina della Notte regna soltanto per una sera,

    the queen of the night reigns only for an evening.




    Submitted on 2011-05-13 03:30:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ciao JP! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you.

    First things first, I think this: "la Regina della Notte regna per una sola sera" is what you are going for. I would capitalize the "Queen of the Night" only because it is a name.

    This is lovely in essence, & I like how there is a story, & this poem is a recording of that. I think sometimes that this makes the best poetry. All this wonderful unfolding & being so very much there in it, even if it is only for a little while.

    & the interjection about the boy, the wheelbarrow - good referencing there - in the midst of the romance is exceptional. I loved the middle of the poem. It deviates, tho not entirely, & then returns very much on cue. But in this way it takes into account something much larger, & I think that's very important to do. It is easy to focus inward, shut out everything, but here the picture is fuller than just two in love & a rare flower.

    I agree about the word "dump". I am not entirely sure if you mean an actual dump as in waste site or a dump as in a slum, but I'm thinking it is the latter, in which case "slum" might work better or some other synonym.

    & then there is the ephemeral quality. How something so treasured & wonderful can also be so brief, & maybe that makes it all the more precious.
    | Posted on 2011-05-17 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for the journey. This is like taking the rest of us there, an authentic soul travel. I was amused also by your using "time herself" when speaking of time. A single, most perfect evening to accomplish everything, quite fitting.
    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      The ruins remind us that there are riches (and to appreciate them).

    I had never heard of the Queen of The Night flower; the idea that it blooms for only one night is very poetic (and romantic). How precious; something beautiful that appears for only one night!

    Comparing love as a flower is delightful, and very poetic.

    I enjoyed your verse very much!
    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is not unlike your "soul at sunset" piece thematically....as jacob says...love (or life) among the ruins....the beauty can linger when everything else which is tangible has gone.....

    Quite a profound piece...

    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      the juxtaposition of love among the ruins, the clash of trash and beauty is very interesting in this...

    a couple thoughts..."dumps" is pretty harsh in sound...draws maybe too much attention to itself...might use "Reynosa's refuse" instead--same meaning, with a bit of alliteration and blends in more with the poem..

    really like the allusion to William Carlos Williams' "Red Wheelbarrow"
    the poem that mixes aesthetics with utilitarian purpose....

    there is beauty in the oddest places.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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