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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Things You Choosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1032
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 977



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Things You Choosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Just so you know
    I've never blamed you
    Given the choice
    It is the right thing to do

    Remove all inconvenience
    Simply whisk it away
    But those blood stained hands
    Well, they're here to stay

    GOD will forgive you
    Just as I have
    The real question is
    Do you realize what you could have had?

    I was created
    Mostly because you have some hole to fill
    The saddest part is
    Perhaps I'd have fit that bill

    Now it is possible
    That you've learned from your mistake
    But statistics say no
    And THAT is what makes my heart ache

    Just so you know
    I've never blamed you
    In my eyes your forgiven
    In GOD's perhaps too

    However

    Will you forgive yourself
    When you realize the folly
    Of the things you "choose"..?




    Submitted on 2011-05-14 18:02:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Gwendolyn Brooks in her poem "the mother"

    wrote

    "Abortions wil not let you forget.
    You remember the children you got that you did not get"

    "I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed children."

    so sad...the poem though leaving other possibilities for interpretation..reminds me of this..

    i saw the comment on the fourth stanza tense change...i don't remember on first look if it had been different and you have since changed it..

    but i kind of see this as saying to the "i was created" this part past tense, because "you have a hole to fill" more of an ongoing thing...and that works for me..

    like william carlos williams in "the widow's lament in springtime"

    about the flowers..

    "i see them but turned away forgetting"

    yes, i know they are there, but i turned away when my husband died, because they are too painful...

    you express pain well in this piece albeit mixed with statistics...but the cold hard idea of statistics mixed with forgiveness, and pain...is a good juxtaposition..

    moved me.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      To me this could be read in two different ways, although one of the two can lend itself to a few more complications. At the heart of the piece is a precious relationship, something two intimate mates share or a parent and a child. In the latter case, I suppose the child could be unborn -- but he could also be alive it works either way really. In all of the above case, there is an implied abuse from one end (it could be the mother, or the father, the wife/girlfriend or the husband/boyfriend). The rest is history, as they'd say.

    I actually have a huge amount of gripes with this poem but they're nonsense to somebody who doesn't really care (as most generally don't). For example, the use of God in this poem seems almost superfluous -- it darn well isn't essential and makes the third stanza seem outright like filler. I also don't like the verb tense change in the fourth stanza, as a matter of continuity (you see). I also do not like that the whole crux of this poem is your emphatic "that" which refers to statistics. This is a reduction of human character to a gross mathematical generalization, and it seems to take away from the bloodied hands in that the statistics are what break your heart, not the actual act itself. I realize that a lot of poetry is the product of cathartic exorcisms but -- well never you mind.

    This isn't to say you're a bad writer, just that this poem could be refined. You do have my full backing in that regard.

    Marc.
    | Posted on 2011-05-17 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      The underlying sense that God does not forgive the transgressor suggests (to me at least) that karma is barreling in full bore on the situation and will right the universe in one way or another. I find it interesting that you forgive but that God cannot (particularly when most religious circles claim the opposite), so I'm guessing (and I emphasize guessing) that some part of you is pre-occupied with being the avenging angel and saving God all the trouble of a slow, maybe even unsatisfying, judgement. Then again, this post is all about choices: to make restitution, to forgive, to forbear, to punish, to forget. In any case, the tone of this write comes from a plethora of directions and emotions that are more real then the words on the screen. This must be fresh on your mind because it seems unresolved.

    At least that's my babble.
    | Posted on 2011-05-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem but the context is a bit obscure. You have recently forgiven someone who had hurt you intensely and perhaps did some irrevokable damage too. The first stanza also indicates that the whole thing happened due to some pressing compulsion.

    Or this compulsion can be only a smokescreen for doing something injurious, Sometimes a person's character is tested only in tough times and if someone caves in at a crucial juncture, it may mean, he/she never had the strength beneath the facade of hypocrisy.

    very thoughtful, well written piece!




    | Posted on 2011-05-16 00:00:00 | by Kaddish | [ Reply to This ]
      God invented evolution also.
    | Posted on 2011-05-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes the price of life is death.
    Sometimes self-defense isn't the only good reason...
    Sometimes, some things are just better off never being at all.
    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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