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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jeniffer
    ASL Info:    18/f/earth
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 240/279/81
    Words: 32
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 556
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 253



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    child of the universe
    cosmic astigmatic
    like me

    our shoulders bump
    we are expressions of equations
    riding intersecting ridges of magnetism
    you stun me every time
    our shoulders bump





    Submitted on 2011-05-15 00:43:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      
    This has such great energy. The use of "cosmic astigmatic" is quite complex but I found it well supported here, & in such a small space. I'm a fan of short poems, so that appealed to me even more.

    The repetition of "our shoulders bump" is great too, & how it that first "bump" is followed by a reaction to the touch, the thoughts & feelings that happen from that bump to the next, if that makes any sense. & I like the ordinary quality of "you stun me every time" after some heavier phrasing. Keeps it grounded, adhered, & then off to the cosmos again.
    | Posted on 2011-05-19 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      physicsextrapolated
    | Posted on 2011-05-15 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      my vision of you whenever we touch is surprising....our stars, magnetized...our love cosmic...we are burning bright together with our chemistry...

    constantly being surprised by love...that is a good thing...

    i see karma here in this poem too....the love that is meant to be in the stars...but then also could be a romeo and juliet thing...a pair of star crossed lovers bumping shoulders..

    you leave a lot to the imagination with your words...i like that as a reader...

    you allow me to travel...from star to star.

    and remember old loves in a different way.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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