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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 4 yearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 697
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 886



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots4 yearsdots
    -------------------------------------------




    The firmament above, the Southern Cross
    wrapped up in my infancy, fifty miles to
    Pukeoware's undulating hills, the merest mention
    of macrocarpa and I am transported back
    when all was transparently still, comfortable,
    the smooth feel of warm eggs nestled amongst hay
    and feathers, the slow walk through three fields
    filled with mushrooms and bulls, forever chasing
    my shadows, laughing as each magpie eyed
    the steel of my buckle, a stick in hand my only defence,
    that creek where I would spend all afternoon fishing for eels.
    Blood, all life attracts to this smell. Earth, the rain floods
    each dip and cranny. Forget-me-nots, freed of the warmth
    of compost, to live and die, to bloom and repeat this cycle
    when I am gone.


    17/05/11




    Submitted on 2011-05-16 09:54:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This 'un feels different to your usual. It still has that meditative quality which is endlessly compelling, but there's more specificity to it (I love that word. (Is it a word?!))

    Ok, just read the comment above (below?) and yes, I'm repeating. Yes. I see that.

    Right -- your opening clause. Mmmmmmmmmm. You with me? It's, oh man I can't think of the word, it's bizarre? Hard to understand in an explicit sense but something which makes a person's bones respond? I think that's what I mean -- there's something about it which can't be placed, but man, it's glorious.

    Ok, really right now. You've been around here too long to want a babble of compliments from me. So I'll shut up. Ok.
    | Posted on 2011-06-20 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2011-06-17 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this in a sense that it gives a lot of imagery but makes it a fresh experience "bulls and mushrooms" is the line that stands out the most for some reason. Other than that this seems to steer into a different direction style-wise compared to your usual style.
    | Posted on 2011-06-17 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


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    9. How could it be improved?
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    190904

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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