Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 4 yearsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 886



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots4 yearsdots
    -------------------------------------------




    The firmament above, the Southern Cross
    wrapped up in my infancy, fifty miles to
    Pukeoware's undulating hills, the merest mention
    of macrocarpa and I am transported back
    when all was transparently still, comfortable,
    the smooth feel of warm eggs nestled amongst hay
    and feathers, the slow walk through three fields
    filled with mushrooms and bulls, forever chasing
    my shadows, laughing as each magpie eyed
    the steel of my buckle, a stick in hand my only defence,
    that creek where I would spend all afternoon fishing for eels.
    Blood, all life attracts to this smell. Earth, the rain floods
    each dip and cranny. Forget-me-nots, freed of the warmth
    of compost, to live and die, to bloom and repeat this cycle
    when I am gone.


    17/05/11




    Submitted on 2011-05-16 09:54:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This 'un feels different to your usual. It still has that meditative quality which is endlessly compelling, but there's more specificity to it (I love that word. (Is it a word?!))

    Ok, just read the comment above (below?) and yes, I'm repeating. Yes. I see that.

    Right -- your opening clause. Mmmmmmmmmm. You with me? It's, oh man I can't think of the word, it's bizarre? Hard to understand in an explicit sense but something which makes a person's bones respond? I think that's what I mean -- there's something about it which can't be placed, but man, it's glorious.

    Ok, really right now. You've been around here too long to want a babble of compliments from me. So I'll shut up. Ok.
    | Posted on 2011-06-20 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2011-06-17 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this in a sense that it gives a lot of imagery but makes it a fresh experience "bulls and mushrooms" is the line that stands out the most for some reason. Other than that this seems to steer into a different direction style-wise compared to your usual style.
    | Posted on 2011-06-17 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    190904

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry