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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yellowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Anneboleyn707
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 44/84/67
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 590



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYellowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The cinder blocks

    Were painted yellow.

    Such a trivial shade,

    That melancholy yellow.

    So bright like the sunlight;

    Too faire for those walls,

    Where that black cat resolves

    To spend every minute sleeping,

    And small birds whistle by

    Without so much as weeping.

    For she painted those cinder-blocks;

    She plastered on that hue,

    Across barely a rightful lane,

    Where a sunflower patch once grew.




    Submitted on 2011-05-19 13:36:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      :) I really enjoy your writing. You can make simple things look really special. That's a great skill right there. It comes I believe because you like me still haven't lost that special way of looking at things that kids have. Kids can look at a simple thing like a small white flower for minutes upon minutes, they play with it, explore all it's aspects until it becomes familiar. Most adults lose that. And it's a shame really...
    | Posted on 2012-10-10 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I really enjoyed this. It's unique in subject matter, & the use of color as color makes for wonderful imagery & contrasting elements. It works together nicely, & has a storybook quality to it too that's endearing. The lilting rhyme furthers that quality, kinda like how old nursery rhymes could sometimes bear a rather sinister moral or meaning. This isn't so sinister, but there's that notion that despite all that brightness, there's darkness too, & sometimes we try to mask it with superficial methods, such as paint, or a smile, etc. But sometimes those superficial means become deeper, make things more bearable too.

    My one nitpick would be the line "That melancholy yellow". It just doesn't make sense to me, as it is followed by likening that same shade of yellow to sunlight & being bright. Seems contradictory. I do think that to remove that line would enhance the poem & provide more logical progression, because what I am gathering is that the bricks are melancholy, & the paint is too bright for them, too faire.

    I love this bit about the cat "resolves/To spend every minute sleeping," it is amazing how much cats can sleep & eat!

    & the rhyme in the last three lines, how that all ties together is wonderful, & how it comes full circle with the reference to cinder blocks again. & I think that this has some of the best stuff poetry is made out of, over all.
    | Posted on 2011-05-24 00:00:00 | by Santi | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoy the elegant simplicity in this poem.

    Yellow isn't always a happy color, it does have a darkness and you illustrated it beautifully.
    | Posted on 2011-05-21 00:00:00 | by Poehemian | [ Reply to This ]
      This reads like a story for children. That's a complement as I felt like a child reading it and that's a rare pleasure. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2011-05-20 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      the sunflowers died...yellow such a bright color...

    i like how you use it here as something drab and depressing..trivial etc.

    it is as if there was sun that was warm and friendly--but now the birds don't weep---but the speaker does..as if she shared the color with a loved one..and now for her the sun does not shine..it is all shadows..the black cat rests on the sill...reminding her of the unlucky streak in her life where her loved one is gone..and the world just doesn't look the same.

    and the walls feel like they are closing in.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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