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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KindredSpirit
    ASL Info:    20, Male, Burlington Iowa
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 54/139/173
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 373
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 520



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I pace alone in the walls of my mind.
    Looking closely for someone to find.
    And as I open a door, another appears.
    As I travel the dome, no one is here.

    So I trace ribbons in my arm.
    Doing more than minor harm.
    And with the last stitch to my collection.
    I find I have no recollection.

    Where did I go and who am I?
    What happened here in my mind eye?
    Blank visions a blur, fading in color.
    But I knew my heart would always suffer.




    Submitted on 2011-05-19 14:43:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your poetry is a perfect example of where fewer words described something better than more. It seems as if you were careful to push your words enough without dragging them out and leaving plenty of room for the mind of the reader to take its course. In my opinion that's a good sign of writing
    | Posted on 2011-06-06 00:00:00 | by Indaleco | [ Reply to This ]
      pacing in your mind...wow. Like going into a state in which you do things you can't remember when you come out of that state, yet you know it was something that hurt you. You know it happens cos you suffer.
    | Posted on 2011-05-19 00:00:00 | by Amma | [ Reply to This ]


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