Your poetry is a perfect example of where fewer words described something better than more. It seems as if you were careful to push your words enough without dragging them out and leaving plenty of room for the mind of the reader to take its course. In my opinion that's a good sign of writing
pacing in your mind...wow. Like going into a state in which you do things you can't remember when you come out of that state, yet you know it was something that hurt you. You know it happens cos you suffer.