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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Currentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 843



    Description:
       ok so I just kinda spewed this out while at work. I dont know, all thoughts on the piece are welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Currentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drifting again
    Through broken dreams
    Listen to the blood flow
    Leaving these hands

    Shiver at the thought
    Of what’s been let go

    currents moving faster
    eroding realities shores

    once a scream
    now a whisper
    of dreams that wont fade

    These hands will fall

    Drifting again
    Trying to fight the currents
    To sink beneath water

    These hands will fall empty
    Legs begin to tremble

    Once a scream
    Now a whisper
    Of forgotten paths

    Shivering at the thought
    Of facing tomorrow
    Let the water fill these lungs
    To stop the drifting

    Once a scream
    Now a whisper
    It keeps on fading
    And the blood stops




    Submitted on 2004-07-29 15:25:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Gahhhh! You say that most of your stuff is not autobiographical, but it WORRIES ME that my best friend writes stuff like this. It worries me more that some of your most well written stuff is stuff like this! Some. Not all. But this was nicely done for the most part. I especially liked the repetition of Once a scream, now a whisper. Its a good pair of lines, and the repetition is neither pointless nor superfluous. Despite its (ludicrously) dark theme, it has a nice balance, writing wise. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      one question... have the wrists been slit and are you waiting for death? this is all i got out of this...
    'Listen to the blood flow
    Leaving these hands'
    i would only imagine id be able to hear blood if it was leaving my body and hitting something... but yeah... this is very dark... i hope the hopelessness in this write is not a reflection of your own life...
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was very dark, much like what I was looking forward to reading. It was well written and produced a great mental picture for me. Someone drowning in a sea of their own blood. Well, that's what I saw. Good write.
    -Kenji
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]


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