Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Currentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 730
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 843



    Description:
       ok so I just kinda spewed this out while at work. I dont know, all thoughts on the piece are welcome.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Currentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Drifting again
    Through broken dreams
    Listen to the blood flow
    Leaving these hands

    Shiver at the thought
    Of what’s been let go

    currents moving faster
    eroding realities shores

    once a scream
    now a whisper
    of dreams that wont fade

    These hands will fall

    Drifting again
    Trying to fight the currents
    To sink beneath water

    These hands will fall empty
    Legs begin to tremble

    Once a scream
    Now a whisper
    Of forgotten paths

    Shivering at the thought
    Of facing tomorrow
    Let the water fill these lungs
    To stop the drifting

    Once a scream
    Now a whisper
    It keeps on fading
    And the blood stops




    Submitted on 2004-07-29 15:25:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Gahhhh! You say that most of your stuff is not autobiographical, but it WORRIES ME that my best friend writes stuff like this. It worries me more that some of your most well written stuff is stuff like this! Some. Not all. But this was nicely done for the most part. I especially liked the repetition of Once a scream, now a whisper. Its a good pair of lines, and the repetition is neither pointless nor superfluous. Despite its (ludicrously) dark theme, it has a nice balance, writing wise. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-07-30 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      one question... have the wrists been slit and are you waiting for death? this is all i got out of this...
    'Listen to the blood flow
    Leaving these hands'
    i would only imagine id be able to hear blood if it was leaving my body and hitting something... but yeah... this is very dark... i hope the hopelessness in this write is not a reflection of your own life...
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It was very dark, much like what I was looking forward to reading. It was well written and produced a great mental picture for me. Someone drowning in a sea of their own blood. Well, that's what I saw. Good write.
    -Kenji
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    19107

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Genesis written by saartha
    Legends written by poetotoe
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry