passion, love, and nature all combined; the fragrant scent of clover wafts in the imagination of the reader, and lovemaking in a grassy meadow somehow seems to be linked to the purity of the out-of-doors....
JP." Until summer's spectacular return" feels like a bit of overkill (as do "philosophize" and "buxom"). This feels like a draft that could be focused simply by removing those phrases, but (of course) I could be wrong. Sorry I can't offer much of a comment; I'm out of the country at the moment. Bill
sexy, sensual and suggestive. and tastefully done. i love this piece so much. and the unity of it is wonderful. the last line connects back to the first line, with the summer imagery. what i especially enjoy is the way the reader utilizes all of his/her senses to read the piece...there is the smell of cut grass, the feeling of the warmth of the sun, the suggestion of taste and the sensation of skin-on-skin.
your head resting in the secret between my chin and chest)
the rest of the poem is thinly - not at all connected in that it's a collection of statements that are wearing a lot of colourful clothes, and without the connection, or even the inherent rhythm that i believe exists in a lot of good poems, i think this is over-worked and under efforted, and somethin about effort. i think it means you can and do do hundreds of edits, and mind edits, placing words, exchanging them, repositioning them, until - as near as you can get it - everything is essential.
and i think a lot of successful poems have a conceit... i think of Sarah Teasdale's poem about what it was to walk with her love, the worldly, shared, take you right there into that moment
thing of it.
and then at the close she goes into almost a repeat of the scene, and says something something
and shadows lengthen,
but you will never walk this way with me.
there is surprise there, the intimacy and the state and the oneness with nature, the sharedness, and us outside looking in thinking this is so lovely, this is grandness,
and then that last line sort of kills you. for her,
so no, i think this reads much like it looks -
a bit all in parts and with lines heavily modified:
daffodils nestle in the dimples of your buxom bottom