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    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: >>the sun will go dark<<dots

    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 902
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 760

       never would have thought to write about the sun... thanks, eva!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots>>the sun will go dark<<dots

    (burn) and recoil
    don't get too close
    don't raise your glass to catch
    your rapidly evaporating tears

    t'would be a waste
    for an ardent taste
    of the yellow (hazy) heated blaze
    that stings your (weighted) wavering gaze

    le soleil ira l'obscurite
    le soleil ira le ce soir sombre
    le soleil est a jamais et jamais

    so ignite not the fire-
    run not toward the light-
    but dance (around) the sun instead
    tiptoe (hush) watch where you tread

    a breath of light, a glint of life
    a torrid fever this way comes
    don't get too close
    (burn) and recoil...

    Submitted on 2011-05-29 04:57:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful. I like your approach. Your diction is what gets me every time... I can't say I've read similar poetry elsewhere. You have a distinct and unique voice.

    I like that there's complexity to it, but at the same time, it's a fairly short poem. You say just enough and I wouldn't do much to revise this piece.

    This is a truly great sun poem! Keep up the good work, Syn. :)
    | Posted on 2011-06-12 00:00:00 | by Poehemian | [ Reply to This ]
      "something wicked this way comes"

    couldn't help but to think of that with the one line...might redo the "fever" line...just because that thought will probably pop up in the minds of many readers and take away from the rest of this very smooth...nicely voiced piece.

    the first two lines and last two lines reversed make nice bookends for this...

    and the rhythm is such that it blends nicely with the content..

    just that one line interrupted it all for me..

    just thoughts..

    | Posted on 2011-05-29 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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