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Pointless Pretties Posing As A Poem

Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 176
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
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Pointless Pretties Posing As A Poem

Ohhhh, to be as bleached as my roots, to be drowsy-drowned
in a sea of sputtered burbles, oh to be the beautiful poetess...

Oh my god, look over there, it's a cow!

Where was I? Oh yes, I almost remember now...

To be a butterfly dancing vividly on some orange wildflower,
and the song of a mocking bird crowing over corn...
wait, that's the wrong bird, isn't it? Give me a moment to
Oh yes, wait, I think I've got it now...

A summer dragonfly, a shimmer of wing and wind in motion,
a little purple bottle of fragrant lily oils, or a jumped rope skimming
the wind of late summers... a broken shoelace, or an archers' bow...

Does anyone know that song? You know, the one where
the dance dances itself down the stone-castle hallway, the candles
and mandolins plucked like a rose... or was it a dishwasher
that I had in thought when first writing...

At this point, I don't really know...

Submitted on 2011-05-30 10:49:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Lovely imagery in a sensible poem about a fickle beauty looking every which way for true self. I see a pinkie-sized nymph - maybe like Thumbelina- costumed in tulle, sparkling in summer sunshine as she leaps and glides nimbly from petal to petal. I love the delicate phrasing (butterfly dancing vividly - summer dragonfly shimmering) so light and airy. I see the "beautiful poetess" in this poem. It's - can I say it again? Lovely!
| Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by awaywithwords | [ Reply to This ]
  I'd love to hear this in a "slam" or at an open mic night. We often take ourselves way too seriously and this reminds me of that. Whether or not you intended it I think this is a nice caricature of people today, and yes all too many writers as well. Focused on our absentmindedness, which truly, is no focus at all…
| Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
  I love how committed you are in describing the beautiful images and then snapping out of it so effortlessly to something else but never leaving the flow of the entire poem.

It's kind of like having a deep conversation with someone only to be distracted by something going on elsewhere. It has a tone of innocence in it as well; you know, the kind where kids are looking at one thing and then something else catches their eyes. How can someone get mad at that????

What I'm trying to say here is that it's written really well and that I enjoyed playing out this character you're portraying out while reading this poem out loud. It's fun and memorable.

Thanks for sharing.

| Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Have I told you recently that I like your catty . Like your dead cow in the desert crone . Man those cows must be mad . I know I'd be mad if I were a cow . They definitely need some butterflies and wild orange flowers . Like some mocking birds imitating ravens . Excuse me I burble (a word you taught me by the way) . " A summer dragonfly, a shimmer of wing and wind in motion, a little purple bottle of fragrant lily oil " . Why you beautiful poetess , making an archers bow out of a broken shoelace . Yes , I believe I know that song . I believe it was a dishwasher , to make women's lives easier . They always make me think of Saudi Arabian women driving cars and wearing bikinis in public . Now what was it I was trying to say here ? "At this point , I really don't know ."

| Posted on 2011-05-31 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
  beauty is only skinned deep
like the knees of a poetess
who fell from grace
land onto a dead end gravel road

dirty pretty things
lie awake like laundry
dancing on a string...
| Posted on 2011-05-30 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the way this moves effortlessly from one image to the disconnects at all, even though the entire piece gives the reader the sense that the speaker is jumping around from one thought to the next. This is not easy to achieve, yet you've done it...and so masterfully...

"oh yes, I almost remember now..." and then "at this point, I really don't know"..... forever elusive...

Excellent write!!!

| Posted on 2011-05-30 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
  "bleached" ? dishwater blond? lol that dishwasher is awfully loud.

this is a good journey through the fantasy of a poet to write a beautiful poem filled with striking images..of butterflies, sunshine, flowers...all the beautiful things...but unfortunately, real life keeps cutting in...and the dance gets shorter...and this partner that is real life just won't go away..

and yes..."the cow" loved that line..

real life for me as a child in Vermont..loved those cows...still do...

they are real...but also peaceful...but then not too smart ...then...some of us aren't real smart all the time either..

thus all our tragic poems of pain and suffering and unrequited love..

damn..some day i want to see a poem about "requited" love

this poem got me jawing...sorry...but it moved me to response.

| Posted on 2011-05-30 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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