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I don't plan on being here
for too long
The only time I try
The only wish I'd cry.
Just feel my sanity
to touch my vanity.
Oh the irony!
Oh the pain!
Oh my own name!
The only game I play,
it takes me far away
and from where.
The price I'll pay
My oh my
My only PIE
Never to be mine
| I enjoyed the unorthodox flow of this piece. It shows a certain level of sanity, but also a smidgen of crazed lostness. The vast range of your talents can be explored in your work, and I greatly enjoyed this read.|
|| Posted on 2012-01-08 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ] || this poem defies so many rules of poetry, yet breathes the very soul of it: a captured moment, a feeling. |
The way I see it is something I often feel too. Sometimes attracted or otherwise caught up in some task of the world, reminding myself that this world is not my home. Yet the whole affair is still somewhat painful. And such nonsense comes to mind as bubbles and pies...or perhaps the end indicates the triviality of the issue.
All in all I liked it, although like I said it's a different kind of write. Sorry it took so long to comment, my internet connection is real bad!
|| Posted on 2011-07-21 00:00:00 | by coloredstone | [ Reply to This ] || I don't know. The rhyming pattern is a bit dense. Maybe you should loosen it a bit. You could make a really good poem out of this if you edit it properly...||| Posted on 2011-07-03 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ] || aww yes the mock of the mock. kid u can make me laugh & cry wid this 1.||| Posted on 2011-06-03 00:00:00 | by geekyslacker | [ Reply to This ] || Hey! you can share mine :)|
About the poem , i might say just remember you have something, nobody else has and that matters a lot.
|| Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by Kaddish | [ Reply to This ] || rather playful words just theatric im astonished. what have you done, your name! but in the end the pie is what I want. all this in the batman announcer voice.||| Posted on 2011-05-31 00:00:00 | by DaGrimReaperess | [ Reply to This ] |