Children of the world, a few simple rules:
1. Smell your beer. If you don't you might be drinking piss. If you do, you just might stop drinking piss.
2. Hug your mother. Not because she deserves it. Even if its just because you know it'll fuck her whole world up. Either way, it'll make shit easier for you.
3. Smile more. People like people who smile. It's like the secret handshake of non-assholes.
4. You can either choose to spend your time in the gym now, or the hospital later. The time spent is probably equal. You decide.
5. If you never break out of your role, you'll be typecast. Ask George Costanza. It sucks.
6. Your Dad wishes he was your age. This is true no matter how old you are. Realize that when he tells you that you don't know shit. He didn't know shit either.
7. Life actually is like a box of chocolates. It isn't always sweet, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get you laid, and if you hate it, you're totally on your own.
8. Ladies, gas prices are like assholes. They all stink and sometimes you get fucked by em.
9. Drugs are bad. mmmmmKay!