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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tonic Water Takes Away the Bite...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: was_i_ever_real
    ASL Info:    23 _ f _ tx
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 194/91/52
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 575
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 767



    Description:
       Karaoke night at my favorite bar. I don't see how nights so full can feel so lonely.
    But....I'll be there again next week!

    And this is for him, whose writing I enjoy so much...and whose style I hope to one day capture and make my own.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTonic Water Takes Away the Bite...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm surrounded by laughing faces and it's dark all around. I smile as they twirl me in circles, the music visible and swirling in the background, the drinks glowing all the way down.

    Everyone knows my name and they keep it a secret from me. They are all beautiful, and there is constantly an arm around my shoulder, or a hug from the side, or a playful yank on my hair. Oh hello and oh hello and oh hello. So nice to see you, come and sit for a while.

    We blow smoke rings on the patio....and I feel like I'm famous. Smiles and laughter, and the music and the drinks, and the hugs....

    But at the end of the night,

    my cup is always empty.

    And I never remember a single name.




    Submitted on 2011-06-04 02:55:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know if I am in any position to say this but I don't really believe that you can successfully capture someone's style without mixing it with yours which would, in the long run, yield your own unique style as a result. Hope you don't mind what I've just said.

    As to the write, I must admit that I seldom comment on prose. It does sound absurd since I'm fond of writing both poetry and prose (or attempting to write ... to be more accurate)

    I liked what you have here. I can totally relate to the feeling of emptiness. I used to feel like that all the time when I was a few years younger. My life is pointless, meaningless and the like ... I reckon I still feel like that every so often. It seems to me that sense of vacuity you portray here is felt by every one of us particularly when we are young. I was just looking at you ASL and noticed that you are 23. I remember that I was your age when I felt purposeless. In fact, I recall it was not only when I was 23 but I throughout my teenage years and my adult post college years as well. It's been only recently that I have been able to view life differently, perhaps not more optimistically but with a less paranoid mentality, to put it that way. I figure that the aimlessness you happen to be so concerned about ebbs away as you grow older and get more experience. I don't have any certainty as for all this since I'm neither well-versed nor all that experienced in this matter.

    It's funny, because I did go out yesterday and a friend and I were just talking about how much the topics of our conversations have changed. A few years ago it would be all about flirting with someone or telling one another about someone we secretly liked or discussing a new cool song. Now, we found ourselves rambling about how much money we spend on food or our plans to hopefully being able to purchase a house.

    All in all, it's time and experiences that, in my book, help one grow and diminish the emptiness by which you seem to be suffused.



    Hope you don't think I'm being supercilious.
    Kind regards,

    Riveting write
    Ethan
    | Posted on 2011-06-04 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      to be with people, but not really with people..

    i used to get this feeling from bars..the regulars would come...we would all be best friends and have our spirits for a few hours...dance the night away..but at the end go home separately...and then we were just faces in memory...no more, no less...

    being in a crowd and feeling lonely...such a sad feeling really...maybe it just feels like fun...and deep down it isn't because we are longing for something real...

    nice expression of that feeling, here.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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