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    dots Submission Name: Jen-in-a-Boxdots

    Author: Runes
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790/815/281
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 729


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Light a candle, turn the handle
    I might leap before too long
    burst through the lid, perform some glib-light
    bouncing bardish, bawdry song;
    peel off my undies, perform sundries
    that would make old sailors blush
    but every round, you push me down
    grinding that old tune too much.

    Telephone rings, I feel springs
    inside my coils start tightening
    A little thump, and out I jump
    at dizzy speeds most frightening.
    When I'm excited, you're delighted
    that I'm stuck inside this box.
    You don't need me, you're just greedy...
    guess it's time to buy a lock.

    Submitted on 2011-06-14 02:31:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Yes a lock! I should like to keep
    you locked up so I could be the
    only one could take u out to play.
    | Posted on 2011-09-11 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      *bursts in with an explosive device that will kablam the box but leave the Jen inside completely unharmed and perhaps also with a bottle of beer in her hand*

    Yes man?

    You write such dark nursery rhymes.

    HIT ME UP.

    I miss you.
    | Posted on 2011-06-16 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      under pressure and then pop...i agree with rubie...the in line rhyme works so well here...a couple spots feel a bit awkward...but overall, i like the concept...and i like the sarcastic voice of this.
    | Posted on 2011-06-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah yes. I see what you mean about the muse being a rhyming fiend. However, it does work here. The sing-songy rhythm works to reinforce the jack-in-the-box imagery....the popping up and down, back and forth, on a spring....yes, the "jack" in the box is always held under pressure, waiting for the crank of the handle to provide that release of tension....Good idea, the lock on your box. At least that way, you'll no longer have to make an appearance at the whims of whomever is cranking that handle.
    | Posted on 2011-06-14 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      Jen: If it were up to me I'd let you ride , not push you down . We'd discuss the moon and stars and escape the boundaries of domicile . Maybe you could make me a key . Surely I jest , the answer is yes , but this is a delightfully intriguing and coquettish little romp with the unworthy . Where do I get my Jen in a box ? I'd promise not to get too ecstatic and twist the handle off .

    | Posted on 2011-06-14 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

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