This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Jen-in-a-Box


Author: Runes
Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790 /815 /281
Words: 102
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1258
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 729



Description:




Jen-in-a-Box



Light a candle, turn the handle
I might leap before too long
burst through the lid, perform some glib-light
bouncing bardish, bawdry song;
peel off my undies, perform sundries
that would make old sailors blush
but every round, you push me down
grinding that old tune too much.

Telephone rings, I feel springs
inside my coils start tightening
A little thump, and out I jump
at dizzy speeds most frightening.
When I'm excited, you're delighted
that I'm stuck inside this box.
You don't need me, you're just greedy...
guess it's time to buy a lock.








Submitted on 2011-06-14 02:31:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Yes a lock! I should like to keep
you locked up so I could be the
only one could take u out to play.
| Posted on 2011-09-11 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
  *bursts in with an explosive device that will kablam the box but leave the Jen inside completely unharmed and perhaps also with a bottle of beer in her hand*

Yes man?

You write such dark nursery rhymes.

HIT ME UP.

I miss you.
| Posted on 2011-06-16 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
  under pressure and then pop...i agree with rubie...the in line rhyme works so well here...a couple spots feel a bit awkward...but overall, i like the concept...and i like the sarcastic voice of this.
| Posted on 2011-06-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah yes. I see what you mean about the muse being a rhyming fiend. However, it does work here. The sing-songy rhythm works to reinforce the jack-in-the-box imagery....the popping up and down, back and forth, on a spring....yes, the "jack" in the box is always held under pressure, waiting for the crank of the handle to provide that release of tension....Good idea, the lock on your box. At least that way, you'll no longer have to make an appearance at the whims of whomever is cranking that handle.
| Posted on 2011-06-14 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
  Jen: If it were up to me I'd let you ride , not push you down . We'd discuss the moon and stars and escape the boundaries of domicile . Maybe you could make me a key . Surely I jest , the answer is yes , but this is a delightfully intriguing and coquettish little romp with the unworthy . Where do I get my Jen in a box ? I'd promise not to get too ecstatic and twist the handle off .

Bruce
| Posted on 2011-06-14 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



191319