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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Subtledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: purplesun24
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 1139/1171/167
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 390
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSubtledots
    -------------------------------------------



    you never act

    a
    performance i'd pay to see

    but

    you keep it
    hidden
    beneath your skins
    insecurities

    and your words
    they don't fully express
    how life
    really
    feels
    in
    your reality

    and still
    i'm dirty
    and
    unapoligetic
    when it comes to wanting you

    though i am
    invisible
    when it comes
    down to everything
    you've every felt for me

    subtle
    or
    not

    you've erased any detail that might of
    existed between us

    hello and goodbye
    is exchanged
    and i love when you say my name
    and i wish we were tangled together
    in each others heat

    i'd kiss the stars from your eyes if you'd let me
    i'd let your dreams
    release
    in a passion
    we can never fully express
    unless are bodies are pressed
    agianst one another...




    Submitted on 2011-06-15 18:20:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like the first half of this very much...the second half seems it could be another poem..

    i would love to see the piece stop at "when it comes to everything you've ever felt for me"

    that might be a place to stop ..because those lines have such good punch...

    careful of misspellings....they take away from the really poetic feel of this. In the fifth stanza...might leave out the "they" in the second line...not necessary...

    but lots to like here...i really got into this piece..just after that one stanza, it started to wane a bit for me...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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