Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: foiblesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: trinityfinger
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 136/343/209
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 647
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 819



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfoiblesdots
    -------------------------------------------




    if, as tomorrow promises, fulfillment will be measured
    by both joy and sorrow, this is how my unborn children
    should quench their unformed instincts
    after me

    to sing and dance within a storm, finessing the clouds
    with articulations meant when no one else is around
    to divulge these secrets burnt upon wax dripping
    onto shoulder

    and if that may be my life, too caught in whirlwinds of
    abandon and devotion, mercurial twins spread between
    the ever-grinding plates of extraterrestrial
    origin

    as boundaries shift and deafness
    becomes louder within each successive
    generation


    16/06/11

    ________________________________________________




    Submitted on 2011-06-16 01:43:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, I was delayed somewhat in getting to this with some words, but I've just reread it about four times and I'm glad I waited. I think my responses will be more verbalised, whereas before I'd have attempted to say something I didn't have words for just yet.

    Technically, it's a dream, but yours are, so I won't go through that with you. Just say:

    this is so compelling it's almost impelling, but with a softness, a dream which is both pain and joy and just wonder at the both of them and you read it and read it and it's just goodness.

    The unfinished quality at the end, how I feel as though you almost said something more but then left it adds to that, and leaves me aching somewhat. It makes it as fleeting as a dream, but one of those dreams which lingers.

    The sorrow in it, how that couples up with an aching [something] at existing -- I've been thinking about exisiting a lot at the moment, about estrangement from the self, a loss of self, what we need to mourn and grieve and celebrate, and how it's so bone-deep, something so searching and restless, you know?

    The loss of self, more, I think -- something here recalls the self, something like if the psyche were a homing pigeon, this would be home. Am I making sense?

    It's the existential. It fits my state right now, and you have it captured.

    | Posted on 2011-06-19 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      each successive generation, we leave less and less to them...but it also seems that each successive generation cares less and less about what they have.

    and can leave to others.

    really well expressed piece...i especially got intothe first stanza...
    "fulfillment measured by both joy and sorrow"

    yes it is.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-16 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191348

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    AI written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love written by saartha
    prison written by ShyOne
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Brigit written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry