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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unititleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 419
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1158



    Description:
       And I feel guilty somertimes for slipping into my own private world

    but in that world you don't exist...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnititleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My eyes are smeared
    with the ashes of remembrance,
    soaking my desolate crust.
    I saw yesterdays tears glisten in sunshine of contempt.
    I just wanted to mend your tears before my candle's spent.

    There is nothing like
    a human's touch
    stroking a withered grudge,
    am I asking too much?

    You keep stabbing but you can't keep me down,
    I'll pretend I'm a clown
    and spread the red around.
    Eventually you'll drown...

    You see, love earns its tragedies
    as we pass around our hand- out fleece.
    And we speak in symbolics from truths perused,
    we are the velvet italics
    softly bruised.

    A quagmire of dissuasions
    wrapped in posies I bury now amongst unwanted roses.
    I need to sprout more fingers to sort out my insides....

    You see, I am bad for health
    looking away as you choke yourself.
    I house remnants of a shattered psyche,
    baby are you sure you want to fight me?

    -Svw





    Submitted on 2011-06-20 16:24:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi fellow countryman.
    This is an astonishing hand at poetry if I may sense so.
    Sense to me is the correct approach because I sense what you relay to and I find it very sensitive. And even sincere towards what you relate to.

    Sensing is not a new art - its the psyche of the man and woman doing the evaluations as it should be understood an d not actually read.

    This morning that is now - i remembered ES is still going and I have not been on since 4th April 11 - if I read correctly.

    Well keep up the writing - it is good for the Sensing Soul.
    Regards Joachim.
    | Posted on 2011-06-21 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      "we are velvet italics/ softly bruised"

    like that line a lot...like many of the lines...

    but i see several metpahors..like the red one, the clown one, the velvet italics..which are really good...but they are brought up then left...
    you return to the "ashes"--

    but i feel a bit disconnected in this piece...like there are just some great parts..but they don't feel as one...

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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