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    dots Submission Name: Unititleddots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 419
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1158

       And I feel guilty somertimes for slipping into my own private world

    but in that world you don't exist...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    My eyes are smeared
    with the ashes of remembrance,
    soaking my desolate crust.
    I saw yesterdays tears glisten in sunshine of contempt.
    I just wanted to mend your tears before my candle's spent.

    There is nothing like
    a human's touch
    stroking a withered grudge,
    am I asking too much?

    You keep stabbing but you can't keep me down,
    I'll pretend I'm a clown
    and spread the red around.
    Eventually you'll drown...

    You see, love earns its tragedies
    as we pass around our hand- out fleece.
    And we speak in symbolics from truths perused,
    we are the velvet italics
    softly bruised.

    A quagmire of dissuasions
    wrapped in posies I bury now amongst unwanted roses.
    I need to sprout more fingers to sort out my insides....

    You see, I am bad for health
    looking away as you choke yourself.
    I house remnants of a shattered psyche,
    baby are you sure you want to fight me?


    Submitted on 2011-06-20 16:24:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi fellow countryman.
    This is an astonishing hand at poetry if I may sense so.
    Sense to me is the correct approach because I sense what you relay to and I find it very sensitive. And even sincere towards what you relate to.

    Sensing is not a new art - its the psyche of the man and woman doing the evaluations as it should be understood an d not actually read.

    This morning that is now - i remembered ES is still going and I have not been on since 4th April 11 - if I read correctly.

    Well keep up the writing - it is good for the Sensing Soul.
    Regards Joachim.
    | Posted on 2011-06-21 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      "we are velvet italics/ softly bruised"

    like that line a lot...like many of the lines...

    but i see several metpahors..like the red one, the clown one, the velvet italics..which are really good...but they are brought up then left...
    you return to the "ashes"--

    but i feel a bit disconnected in this piece...like there are just some great parts..but they don't feel as one...

    just thoughts

    | Posted on 2011-06-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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