wow very vivid. nicely written wasn't sure how the ending was gonna be but i liked it its nice to pull the reader in keep them wondering then to suprise them at the end like dam lol
I like this for what it is, an enchanting love poem. I really really love the imagery esp the first stanza.
It doesn't convey a far away obscure love as suggested below me. I think she's quite real.
If I were you, I would try to hide the direction of the poem under a little more abstractions (make it a little bit more cryptic) Sure the similies are nowhere close to "square rooted words" but the themes are very open.
Wait hold the phone.....no it works! Sorry, lol. I had a thought while typing that. I like how the theme is open, because it better conveys the meaning of a very open personal and impersonal relationship.
I like your dog. This poem is to describe your dream girl. But, for me, it is too much allusion and too many $10 words. I don't feel her so much as think her. I like my women flesh and blood with ancient animal desire in their breasts. I don't feel that here. However, each to his own. The lines with indusing and seducing seem a stretch for the rhyme. I don't know what indusing means. Is it a wrong spelling?
Submission Name: Distant
