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    dots Submission Name: Distantdots

    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 349
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 592

       I might be wrong, but I think normal people might be afraid of what is happening in my brain. Being misunderstood makes me sad.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    As beautiful as starlight
    Veiled in ether black
    So distant
    Like the love that I lack

    As consuming as hell fire
    Imprisoned by fates' flame
    Like cupid's esoteric aim

    As anomalous as love
    Dysphoria inducing
    Like your skin seducing

    As infinite as waves
    Upon a restless sea
    Like thoughts of thee

    As gorgeous as lunar light
    Hallowing moon beams
    So distant
    Like the girl of my dreams

    Submitted on 2011-06-21 01:29:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow very vivid. nicely written wasn't sure how the ending was gonna be but i liked it its nice to pull the reader in keep them wondering then to suprise them at the end like dam lol

    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this for what it is, an enchanting love poem. I really really love the imagery esp the first stanza.
    It doesn't convey a far away obscure love as suggested below me. I think she's quite real.
    If I were you, I would try to hide the direction of the poem under a little more abstractions (make it a little bit more cryptic) Sure the similies are nowhere close to "square rooted words" but the themes are very open.
    Wait hold the phone.....no it works! Sorry, lol. I had a thought while typing that. I like how the theme is open, because it better conveys the meaning of a very open personal and impersonal relationship.
    | Posted on 2011-06-21 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your dog. This poem is to describe your dream girl. But, for me, it is too much allusion and too many $10 words. I don't feel her so much as think her. I like my women flesh and blood with ancient animal desire in their breasts. I don't feel that here. However, each to his own. The lines with indusing and seducing seem a stretch for the rhyme. I don't know what indusing means. Is it a wrong spelling?
    | Posted on 2011-06-21 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]

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