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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: what doesn't kill you...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 399
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1472



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhat doesn't kill you...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    listlessly she gazes out of the window
    haphazardly dressed in a hospital gown
    she wonders why she didn't die
    she wonders why she doesn't wonder at all
    she took plenty of pills and wrote
    just one letter
    to her love
    of her love
    of her life
    she thought she was prepared
    thought she had steeled herself against...
    4:30am, she hits the floor
    taken asunder by the face-full of poison
    she downed not an hour ago
    eyes closed, brain function slows
    thoughts of over
    and overness
    and not anymores
    solace for minutes
    minutes that drag by like death
    ticking away at her, wake up to-
    -breath-
    BREATHE!
    {intubate, nurse, cart}
    can't move, can't think
    can't scream, don't want to
    fuck
    fuck
    fuck
    it didn't work
    -here again-
    world of acrid sterile white
    what now, what now?
    completely removed
    detached and horrifyingly confused
    waiting to feel real again
    to get used to 'alive' again
    to feel anything at all
    so what of the rest of the medicine?
    why didn't it go down the hatch?
    if it was the end, why not bottom's up?
    25 pills on the bed, scattered like evidence
    that all hope may not be lost for her after all...






    Submitted on 2011-06-24 03:29:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nice title choice, it leaves the assumption that there's hope for N, (as long as she keeps failing.) I like how you've taken the reader into N's mindset. A well-handled subject.
    ~C
    | Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi not a very nice and comfortable setting I think. Never was there though but can sense a relationship how it must be.
    Except for the "F" wording that I find uncalled for, its a well deserved effort sharing.
    Keep awake and be smart - life is worth living.

    regards Joachim.
    | Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      I just love the way this is written. It's so raw, so real, there's no hidden messages, nothing to think about... just feel.

    I normally would say that a break is necessary for the reader to have that break but here, it's not required. You're effortlessly going from one transition to another and another. The change is there but it's very subtle, which makes it pleasant to read.

    I think we all go through writing phases where we need to talk about (express ourselves) regarding death. Wanting to die but yet life keeps getting in the way.

    Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

    Cheers,
    | Posted on 2011-06-24 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      like a failed suicide attempt of sylvia plath...and her writing about it...

    there are many sylvia plaths i think...those who want to end it, but subconsciously fight to stay alive...perhaps craving the attention like she did....
    living to write about dying...

    here is what it feels like people...this is what it's like to go to that edge and come back.

    "[censored] [censored] [censored]"

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-24 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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