Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Slush Puppy dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 395
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1755



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlush Puppy dots
    -------------------------------------------





    “ You know; you look like someone else ”
    Was the first thing she said
    I never did ask, just who, I reminded her of

    Say romance fornicated in the guttering of a candle
    And its flame lay in all the rivulets of melted wax

    We were the twin coupling of paper straws
    As we sipped the sweet nectar
    And our tongues lay heavy laden with its sugar

    So we basked in the reflection
    Of each others mirror

    It still troubles me
    How in one another’s puppetry
    We were just so much the condensation of syrup
    Clinging cold to the cardboard cup

    And even though our fingers
    Could have shamed the bonfires we built
    We were nothing more than a mirage
    On the horizons of love

    Promise me your soul in forever wants
    Between the sheets of passion and someone else

    All wept in falsehoods with the petals of lilies
    And heavy laden tongue now lay split in iron railings

    “ You know, you remind me of someone ”

    It troubles me still
    How we sank with such poetic and tragic quills
    Deep to the depths of our own dark inkwells

    Never having breached onto a naked shore

    Never having ever really, truly, held each other

    We were a spasm, a searching for
    Alluding to a succinct intonation of meaning
    Written playful, colourful on headlines and posters
    Fast food prerequisites
    To fill the emptiness

    Momentarily in some desperation of sincerity
    We shared each other’s
    Slush Puppy






    Submitted on 2011-06-25 10:47:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Tingly. I love it. It had a very.. red feel to it. Passionate with undertones of confusion, longing, and regret.
    I love the line, "You know, you remind me of someone."
    Brings up some old emotions for me.
    This was a fantastic write.

    Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading.

    H
    | Posted on 2011-06-29 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was really good!
    Strangely romantic and very poetic
    | Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191481

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry