[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Slush Puppy dots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 276
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 396
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1755


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlush Puppy dots

    “ You know; you look like someone else ”
    Was the first thing she said
    I never did ask, just who, I reminded her of

    Say romance fornicated in the guttering of a candle
    And its flame lay in all the rivulets of melted wax

    We were the twin coupling of paper straws
    As we sipped the sweet nectar
    And our tongues lay heavy laden with its sugar

    So we basked in the reflection
    Of each others mirror

    It still troubles me
    How in one another’s puppetry
    We were just so much the condensation of syrup
    Clinging cold to the cardboard cup

    And even though our fingers
    Could have shamed the bonfires we built
    We were nothing more than a mirage
    On the horizons of love

    Promise me your soul in forever wants
    Between the sheets of passion and someone else

    All wept in falsehoods with the petals of lilies
    And heavy laden tongue now lay split in iron railings

    “ You know, you remind me of someone ”

    It troubles me still
    How we sank with such poetic and tragic quills
    Deep to the depths of our own dark inkwells

    Never having breached onto a naked shore

    Never having ever really, truly, held each other

    We were a spasm, a searching for
    Alluding to a succinct intonation of meaning
    Written playful, colourful on headlines and posters
    Fast food prerequisites
    To fill the emptiness

    Momentarily in some desperation of sincerity
    We shared each other’s
    Slush Puppy

    Submitted on 2011-06-25 10:47:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Tingly. I love it. It had a very.. red feel to it. Passionate with undertones of confusion, longing, and regret.
    I love the line, "You know, you remind me of someone."
    Brings up some old emotions for me.
    This was a fantastic write.

    Keep up the good work and I'll keep reading.

    | Posted on 2011-06-29 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was really good!
    Strangely romantic and very poetic
    | Posted on 2011-06-25 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The World written by jjd
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]