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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: And He Said Hello...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unwantedlove20
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 16/12/11
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 487
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 957



    Description:
       This isnt my best its just a scenario i saw myself in and i wanted to write it down..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnd He Said Hello...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i reviewed a million times a million ways to Begin and a million ways our conversation would end...i played with my fingers and never looked him in the eyes...such beautiful eyes...soon i have to go and he asks me for my number..i smile n give it to him and he gives me his..................wen i get home i avoid the phone knowing it will only tempt me into dialing 10 digits that mean so much to me...i dont want to seem desperate....i wait three days and i pick up the phone and stare at the Menacing numbers that seem to laugh at my timidness...i take a deep breath and dial the ten digits that i now knew better than i knew myself at the moment.....it rings three times and then he said "hello" i heard a sharp screeching noise followed by some horror filled screams i stay paralyzed listening...listening to his terrified screams....the connection suddenly cuts.....and im left with the heavy weight of my loved ones life on my shoulders....




    Submitted on 2011-06-25 18:41:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's not bad, really. It has a lot of the same tone and word choice as a lot of the "lesser" works but it doesn't quite fall into that category.
    It's natural human emotion well constructed into a poem.
    I give it a 4, but no one rates anymore lol.
    May I suggest, and I say this quite a bit, but try to stray from using such an earthy tone. It makes the read more enjoyable so it doesnt look like you're reading a journal entry.
    How you wrote the end, is how you should write the whole thing. Just a suggestion.
    | Posted on 2011-06-26 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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