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    dots Submission Name: ...did she falter?dots

    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 264
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1826

       gods, i hope so...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...did she falter?dots

    did she falter?
    did she think-
    'this is enough
    to lay me up
    for quite awhile?'

    -just to get away?
    in order to not stay
    in order to not leave
    this, her time of need
    ...did she falter?

    did something make her stop?
    pill after pill

    'the rest can sit here
    on the bed
    next to me
    'til i'm found
    on the ground
    on the ground
    perhaps what i took
    will be enough
    perhaps it won't'

    perhaps there were echoes
    of a simple phrase, saying
    {love, don't}

    or perhaps there was an absence
    no flicker of recognition to cross her face
    no realization of whom she had interlaced
    being too far away to feel my embrace

    and so perhaps her mind was invaded
    by thoughts of him, thusly persuaded
    whittling her scope down to
    nothing but her pain
    'my life for you; it's all in vain...'

    {well, i tried to save you-
    ...really, i did-
    i prayed to god/dess, oh, forbid
    i threw myself into you
    that i might provide your rescue
    tie you right back in a pretty bow
    ribbons do come untied, as you know
    i thought i had played my role well
    yet night passed as nearly as she
    with a refined horror that i had
    an entire week to foresee}

    there's no goodbye to speak of
    -only one word-
    that could have been so cruel
    had she not lived through

    talk to you tomorrow?


    so, did she falter?

    Submitted on 2011-06-26 04:10:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This reads like a two-minds-one-body write... tied you back in a pretty bow... lol, yeah. Appeasing one for the benefit of the whole. The purchases of the day: new french coffee press, a dremel set, a garden hose and some daylily bulbs, and this ballerina teddybear... no I have no kids, don't ask, just ring the [censored] up already and let me go home while this catfight is going on in my head... I still have to get some sushi and an icecream cone on the way home...

    Good to see you back!
    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel someone so despondent over a relationship---she is contemplating suicide...then has taken pills....the speaker has stayed with her till morning...saving her for at least one night..

    but the reality..she must save herself, she is the only one who can...

    this finds itself with lines of intensity....and interestingly presented...not typical poemy fashion.---but good nonetheless...i like to see different, experimental placing on the page...

    the mixture of prosy and poemy makes a dreamy state..and this piece could be likened to an uneasy dream.

    | Posted on 2011-06-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is very emotive and well crafted without crossing into the "angsty" side of things too much. granted this appeals to me for reasons similar to yours but i still think this is composed well..
    | Posted on 2011-06-26 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

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