Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: These Wings I've Growndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 895



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Wings I've Growndots
    -------------------------------------------


    They're not very pretty
    these wings I've grown.
    They're flawed:
    too small, too cumbersome,
    there's some kind of blemish
    on one of them.
    I flap them about
    barely off the ground
    almost sinking to the earth.
    You don't envy me as I look down at you.
    I would never expect that from you.
    As I look down at you,
    you don't look up at me.
    You couldn't do that.
    Not you, not perfect you,
    Not you with everything.


    You can say what you want about my wings.
    Call them useless and ugly
    like you call me.
    I don't care what you say.
    You act like you know everything,
    well, I'm gonna tell you something.
    Say what you want about these wings,
    but at least I can fly.






    Submitted on 2004-02-14 18:44:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful write once again Amy.You use a tone reminescent of the school yard "sticks ' n stones" taunt, but the imagery and meaning is much deeper. I liked the several instances of repetition..especially "You donít envy meó
    As I look down at you
    I would never expect that from you
    As I look down at you". Deceptively simple, flows well and packs a good punch. Good One, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-02-16 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      actually, i like your style, short, to the point, sometimes rhyming, sometimes not. I write long because most of my stuff is either a poem/story, or a poem that also has a song version, much like Histar, (just submitted its song version)... I take all comments into consideration, especially those which I value (hehe) but I dont change my style... excellent portrayal you put together here, and nice defense of your work
    | Posted on 2004-02-15 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I also write poems that have not much more than ten lines and I really like the way I write. why do you have to spit out so many words when you can tell what you feel in a few lines???
    anyway, this poem is again well done and the last 2 lines are amazing.
    | Posted on 2004-02-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      it's very metaphoric... and the poem is deep so good job... and like what drkpoet said, even repeating 'not you' was not a distraction and in fact, it adds to the natural flow of the words
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! that one is deep, i really like it!.. great imagery, the wings... wow, images still going flying into my head as i type!.. the repition of -not you- toward the end fits pretty well too!... doesn't throw it off like if i would do it!.. the flow of this seems so natural.. great work!
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      See, I can write things that aren't minimalistic. It's far from my best work, but this is for all of you who think I just stop at ten lines.
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1915

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry