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    dots Submission Name: These Wings I've Growndots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 760
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 895


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThese Wings I've Growndots

    They're not very pretty
    these wings I've grown.
    They're flawed:
    too small, too cumbersome,
    there's some kind of blemish
    on one of them.
    I flap them about
    barely off the ground
    almost sinking to the earth.
    You don't envy me as I look down at you.
    I would never expect that from you.
    As I look down at you,
    you don't look up at me.
    You couldn't do that.
    Not you, not perfect you,
    Not you with everything.

    You can say what you want about my wings.
    Call them useless and ugly
    like you call me.
    I don't care what you say.
    You act like you know everything,
    well, I'm gonna tell you something.
    Say what you want about these wings,
    but at least I can fly.

    Submitted on 2004-02-14 18:44:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wonderful write once again Amy.You use a tone reminescent of the school yard "sticks ' n stones" taunt, but the imagery and meaning is much deeper. I liked the several instances of repetition..especially "You donít envy meó
    As I look down at you
    I would never expect that from you
    As I look down at you". Deceptively simple, flows well and packs a good punch. Good One, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-02-16 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      actually, i like your style, short, to the point, sometimes rhyming, sometimes not. I write long because most of my stuff is either a poem/story, or a poem that also has a song version, much like Histar, (just submitted its song version)... I take all comments into consideration, especially those which I value (hehe) but I dont change my style... excellent portrayal you put together here, and nice defense of your work
    | Posted on 2004-02-15 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I also write poems that have not much more than ten lines and I really like the way I write. why do you have to spit out so many words when you can tell what you feel in a few lines???
    anyway, this poem is again well done and the last 2 lines are amazing.
    | Posted on 2004-02-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      it's very metaphoric... and the poem is deep so good job... and like what drkpoet said, even repeating 'not you' was not a distraction and in fact, it adds to the natural flow of the words
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! that one is deep, i really like it!.. great imagery, the wings... wow, images still going flying into my head as i type!.. the repition of -not you- toward the end fits pretty well too!... doesn't throw it off like if i would do it!.. the flow of this seems so natural.. great work!
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by drkpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      See, I can write things that aren't minimalistic. It's far from my best work, but this is for all of you who think I just stop at ten lines.
    | Posted on 2004-02-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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