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    dots Submission Name: Or too not?dots

    Author: snacky fish
    ASL Info:    31/male/FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 377/472/111
    Words: 208
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 910
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1377

       Life has its cross roads, I dont know which turn to take. Also, I am not sure what to name this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOr too not?dots

    In the nights of nights
    Together, you and I
    Under a canopy of lights
    Cross my heart, hope too die

    A cerebral silhouette
    Mirror and sweet fog
    Too female too forget
    Stick a needle in my eye

    Too Beautiful to think I thought
    Wondering why? and why not?
    Too soon? and too late?
    Too Coexist? or too not?

    Too exist?

    In the nights of nights
    Together, you and I
    My heart full of frights
    Cross my heart, hope to die

    Oxygen and flame
    Smoke and cinder
    Piercing even the pain
    Stick a needle in my eye

    Too true to take I thought
    A mirror calling fog?
    What am I?
    Too Coexist? or too not?

    Too exist?

    Under the masks of masks
    Hides the late
    Heart broken without sake
    Phantom forgot to be fake?

    In the trysts of trysts
    Together, you and I
    Light lips upon weak wrists
    Cross my heart, hope to die

    Oxygen elicits existence
    Deep and slow surrenders
    Lonely lung and sweet sky
    Stick a needle in my eye

    Too fair too be not sought
    Lone damsel dear
    Am I too soon? or too late?
    Too Coexist? or too not?

    Too exist?

    Submitted on 2011-06-30 13:59:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I also enjoyed the repetition in this piece, esp. "cross my heart hope to die"
    I had to read it a few times, to really capture the imagery.
    Nice write!
    | Posted on 2011-07-04 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written wonderfully. I'm a huge fan of repetition. When its not too repetitive. I'm also a huge fan of the sneaking in of old nursery rhymes.
    This was terrifically put together.
    Its vague yet vibrant. Perhaps there is room to elaborate, but hey sometimes the vagueness is the allure.
    I really enjoyed reading this.

    Keep up the great work and I'll keep reading..

    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      This feels more like a song than anything else. I like the first part. The second one not so much except this line:

    "Oxygen elicits existence"

    I would expand it like this though:

    Oxygen elicits existence out of oblivion.

    Keep writing!
    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      Happy day Snacky Fish! This piece was like taking a breath in a dream where you wake up and can't breathe...

    Lots of Love, Peace, Joy, Abundance, Beauty & Prosperous Healthy Smiles to Share ;-)
    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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