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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Underestimated Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    24/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 621/961/451
    Words: 403
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 456
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2376



    Description:
       Guys, i have fallen to my darkest time in life once again, I'm on the verge of being homeless, and I am scared. I owe over 2600 dollars to some apartment in Texas when I used to be younger, I know, we all learn from our mistakes, but I was just so young then, blinded by love, and just a child, I have no job currently, have been fighting to better my life through counseling, taking charge of my life and my personal credit, taking charge of my depression, and yet the walls of life still keep falling down inside of my life. I do not know what to do anymore, the person right besides my life wants to leave me, and once again I feel alone. Any words from anyone would be really helpful during this time. Thank you for taking the time to read...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Underestimated Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The pain that gratifies you,
    The fear bothering us all,
    They felt in our minds, writing off our virtues,
    For only shame to take our greatest fall.

    Release the life inside of me,

    In our mutual pain, that blinds our frail eyes,
    Brings us to this very time,
    To the truth that finds away for us to deny.
    I try not to be afraid,
    When the darkness fades away,

    I await the morning to break the blackness,
    That cancers upon my heart.

    I want you to know my love for you still grows,
    For this I must believe that I must find,
    The truth that lies within me in my final time.

    You can not fake all of this,
    You can not wash all of these feelings out,
    I try to cry it all out of me,
    I still can't find the relief to the doubt.

    I lay here under you,
    Pretending to here you breath,
    For the life that fed through you,
    Burned the fires inside of me.
    I wish you could speak to me,
    I get a hall without a sound,
    I wish you could live, to be here,
    To embrace every forgotten tear...

    I know, I cannot bear all of this alone...

    I try to fight this,
    I try to hope for the better,
    But I can''t

    I try to blur it away,
    I try but this black portion of life does not fade...

    I can't fight this all away,
    I can't wish this all to be fine,
    I can't cry it out of my system,
    I can't seem to remember the gift of happiness,

    I can't hope,
    I can't breathe,
    I just seem to suffocate...
    I just seem sufficed.

    I can not entertain this entrance in my mind anymore. I try, and I try, but the fever still burn at a hundred plus...The veil of hope tears...The truth of it all is just to look at this life, and see another dead end. Every take I get, pushes me steps back. The worthlessness is real, and the pain is only worse. Worsened inside of my heart, I just can not seem to live the way that I have anymore...Is there not one person that cares for the feelings inside of my head anymore...Is there not one...This is the journey of my underestimated mind.

    What is yours...




    Submitted on 2011-06-30 16:48:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I wish I could play, you make it look so easy although I know that many hours it takes to interface mind, body and instrument. Such time I have never invested although a friend at work does play every day during his lunch break as well as what he does at home. It's yet another (very powerful) way to express yourself. Sharing it with others when you can is amazing indeed.

    Money owed that you cannot pay back is stress inducing for sure, but it is really something that either you can or cannot do something about at least for now. If you can't do anything on it at present, let it go and tell yourself maybe later, maybe never, but let it go for now so we can function in this day not the past or any presumed gloomy future. The ultimate advantage whether talking money or life is being "judgement proof".

    You have a keen and creative mind but are given to use those powers towards an over analysis of negative things in your world, at least as I perceive things. Some of that is always atmospheric, that is, you need to take advantage of some good rest, fresh air, fresh fruit, and fresh sunlight to allow your soul and spirit to recharge. And no, that is not bs feel-good tripe that's what anyone's mind and body needs.

    You are indeed worthy or you would not be Alex Bony, the one and only in this whole particular universe. Your mind is certainly not underestimated in any way by me, and I am also a one and only so peer to peer we are each quite special in our own ways only you can pay a guitar and I am jealous.
    | Posted on 2011-07-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I can totally relate when it comes to everything you are going through right now. Life can be hard sometimes and unfortunately society is pretty unforgiving of past mistakes. However that does not mean you shoul give up. Remember, today will not be tommorrow unless you give up. No matter what keep moving foreward. Do whatever it takes to get out of the mess facing you right now. As longas we live there is always hope :)

    As for your poem, it was obviously written as an expression of your inner turmoil so in that since it is a good work. Poetry is like therapy. It's written based on your emotions at the time. Sometimes the things I write are only meant to release all the negativity that has been bottled up. If that is the case with this poem, then you can leaveit unchanged. Afterall the emotions you felt then may be harder for you to relate with now...

    If this was meant as more than therapy, then you will need some editing. The raw emotion is good but a good deal of what you wrote is either gramaticatlly incorrect or misspelled. The poem also feels choppy. It's so rough that many readers (like me) may have a hard time following. I honestly stopped reading about halfway through because all the errors caused an endless distraction. So read over your poem again, edit it and bring out the very real potential that is lying inbetween the lines.
    | Posted on 2011-07-01 00:00:00 | by Mimevas Lemqi | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, Crestfallen,

    I can totally relate to where you're at. When we're young, we can do so many foolish things. We think we're grown up, but really we don't have a clue.

    It's for this reason I think credit should not be allowed until a person is at least 25, or has supported themself for a minimum of 5 years. By then, at least you have an idea how hard it is to pay your own bills. It's one of those things young adults would gripe about, but most would feel thankful for it later, like when you take the car keys from a friend who has been drinking.

    I left home at 17 and made some dumb choices. I got a student loan and tried to go to school, but failed, because partying and hanging out with friends took precedence, not to mention the personal issues I was having.

    Now I have all this debt with nothing to show for it, and it has followed me around like a shadow for 10 years. I'm not that person anymore, but I'm forced to live in the shadow.

    So I know what you're saying, it's not that you want to run from responsibility, or try to skip accountability; you know you screwed up, but JEEZ! does it have to be so hard to dig yourself out? The Law of Infernal Dynamics is definitely applicable here.

    And of course, when it rains, it pours. We also tend to go through the same, or similar, frustrating situations until we learn from them. We may think we've learned all there is to know about a particular problem, until it comes around again. It's like the Universe is saying, "OK, you know how you dealt with it last time, here it is again. What are you going to do??"

    The question hangs in the air until you make a move. And so should you, I mean, hang in there.

    I know "hanging in there" isn't very satisfying. But sometimes it has to do. These are the times when a retreat to the simple can be helpful. Sometimes it has to be enough to see how the sun rides around a bend in the horizon, to listen to the leaves whisper, to take the time to notice the small things we rarely see and feel grateful for them.

    Take Care,
    Erin
    | Posted on 2011-06-30 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


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