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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Volcanic Advertisingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564



    Description:
       I'd had this idea in mind for a long time but only now have I been able to put it down.

    What I want to express here is not that I hate it but that I loathe watching others overdoing it.

    Thanks for stopping by.

    Kind regards,

    Ethan

    PS: I know some of my writes are extremely personal and they may not be fathomed only because of it. I've written something on my journal regarding what was crossing my mind by the time I wrote this. So if you wish or care enough just take a quick look at it after reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVolcanic Advertisingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    By Ethan Brody



    Eager to be out there
    Like a baby right before being born,
    Ecstatic to be known and examined
    Like a patient suffering from a grim illness.


    It resembles tacky fame
    And echoes the sheer urge to be spoken
    Just as magma
    Wants to be so desperately released.


    Minute after minute ash is ejected
    To a thousand clouds
    Which are too busy
    Trying to yield their own rain to the ground.






    Submitted on 2011-07-02 22:50:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Status update: Irina is.... writing a status update about nothing.

    That's pretty much what every update is about from people I know. I have facebook but not twitter. Facebook is more of my address book since I know people from other places. Other than that, I have no care in the world for it. I don't care about people's tweets. Don't have one. Don't read any.

    Good subject. And amazing Title. Loved it.

    I prefered reading your journal than this. I think you've restricted yourself too much and didn't express enough. There's a passion missing. Don't get me wrong, the writing in itself is good and the ideas are there. It's just missing that magic. I don't see it in this piece. But I do see it in your journal.

    Nicely done.

    Cheers,
    | Posted on 2011-07-06 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, this I quite like - or the idea of it. I would like to comment on the form of it though:

    To tighten it up a bit, I would try to work on the application of the more abstract metaphors of eruption and the more literal. Trying to break them up into lines of two abstract paralleled with two literal as in:

    It resembles tacky fame
    And echoes the sheer urge to be spoken
    Just as magma
    Wants to be so desperately released.

    Then the break of form in the last four lines would come much better together as they are 'reversed' in order.

    The work is then to be done on the first four lines, which could then be worked into two couples (adding the parallel to the vulcano) or reducing it by removing one of the metaphors - I do quite like the two metaphors though and would like to see them both in the text :-)

    Anywho, just my reading - thanks for some great ideas in fine packing :-)

    -tzar
    | Posted on 2011-07-06 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      even with just that "a" added to the cloud line...it is much smoother...in flow and meaning...the last stanza is very strong...especially the last line...that is one of those "end it with bang" lines.



    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-04 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i find this not about advertising in the literal sense of ads on tv or radio or newspaper...but someone wanting attention and doing so many different things to get it...

    it is like ash from a volcano...they spread themselves all over in a flurry...like magma..they want to explode on the scene...be noticed...

    i see an interesting allegory ---

    "suffering from grim illness" ? i think you meant "from" not "form"

    and the "to thousand clouds" is a bit awkward...from the previous lines it needs a smoother transition...

    but the picture painted here is quite good in its allegorical sense...at least that is my take...

    i like. especially the second and fourth lines.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-03 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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