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    dots Submission Name: Jokers Jacketdots

    Author: lone_one
    ASL Info:    22/male/alpine-san diego
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 64/53/21
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 841


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJokers Jacketdots

    I put on my jesters' jacket

    Dealing out my deck of deceit

    I deal the bane of knights attacks

    But I serve faceless Kings & Queens

    I'll fold my capitol hand

    Though I know I can't lose

    My turn will go as planned

    Stone 'poker-face'

    With my pair of twos

    I'll bet every bit

    With my flimsy cards

    I'd never admint

    I'll leave the table scarred

    I'm sure as day the one to blame

    I'll stumble druken towards the bar

    In hopes, to drown the shame

    Submitted on 2011-07-04 01:09:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Ha! I like this. I love poker. Although I usually win so I cannot say I totally relate to it...
    | Posted on 2011-07-08 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this write. Its got a cool poker metaphor going on. Never know when your bluff will get called.

    However, I feel that the last two lines can be reworked to have a better flow in closing. As is it seems to fall short at the last line. You cant have that if you mean for the end to have impact. I struggle with it as well. Just play with the last lines to get a flow like you do early in the poem, thus maximizing the impact of the closing. Just my opinion.

    "I'd never admint"

    A misspelling/typo here I think. My spelling is terrible so I am not hating. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2011-07-04 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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