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    dots Submission Name: Plastic Wardots

    Author: GhiHaD
    ASL Info:    22/Male/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 46/64/24
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723


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    dotsPlastic Wardots

    Fake conscriptions and soldiers unknown
    Twisted minds of the overgrown
    Dirt wars and plastic toys
    Spirited into the moment by imaginary boys

    Fire the cannon
    Fire the guns
    Fire rains down on the city of fun

    In this moment we decide who to hate
    Soldiers are lined and ready to escape
    Crossing the hillsides and over the seas
    Anguish and frustration accompanies me

    The plastic dirt war is rolling to an end
    And although you have lost we remain best friends

    No one is killed
    Not even one bit harmed
    We pack up our toys
    There goes the school yard alarm

    Submitted on 2004-07-29 22:58:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is full of irony and paradoxes. Very fluent, a good wording and an interesting idea.
    The only line that doesn't seem to quite fit the rest is the last one...I think something like 'And over the battlefields, the school yard alarm' would sound better but well, it's your poem.
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      The following is the rhyme scheme used in this poem. Authour has rearranged some stanza's possibly for aesthetic effect, but generally it alternates between a AABB, and ABCB rhyme scheme, with exception to the last which does not alternate back. Very interesting piece and choice of style.


    D (although this could have been two lines and then it would be C,D,E,D which truthfully is what it is in earnest)


    G (although like the C,D line this is truthfully a 4 line stanza G,H,I,H you can see how it fits with the C,D,E,D second stanze.)

    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      'Twisted minds of the overgrown'
    This here is the line to be quite honest. I read alot into it - you could write a whole poem just on that. Only other thing is that you misspelled reigns - should be rains b/c the one you used is about kingship and such...
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like it could be lyrics. I like it. It's two things at once, in the beginning I thought it was going to be a statement about the war giong on, then it turns out to be a sweet little creepy poem about school kids playing war. Nice.
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]

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