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    dots Submission Name: dividing muscledots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 1226
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 1557
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 6725


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdividing muscledots

    I turn the dial and a slow pulse of chi spreads from the machine, the candles seem too bright now as I lay here on my bed.

    The flashing blue light tells me the energy flows now, I need to be convinced that it is ok to become calm. now, the light could be a placebo for all I know but it sure distracts me from my minds failure to control the dictator my heart has become.

    it seems to me that the heart is indeed like a living entity with separate feelings of its own...
    It seems to be alien to the ideas and commands of my brain/mind/consciousness, call it what you want, the heart has all of those things combined as its own and reacts as such.

    This is all strange, moreso all of these new feelings and things seem to be of an energetic and also physical level.
    I have been convinced in past times that I understood the mechanics of emotions and feelings, the two are completely different I assure you, it seems like feelings control emotions and not the other way around, you see emotions are mistaken for feelings because they can be controlled by the brain, feelings on the other hand act as a rooting system or feed to the brain and in turn controls all emotion..

    Be careful of feelings, these things can be hectic, they are so sneaky and are only some of the aspects the heart can exploit to control the brain, your emotions, and in turn your whole body and your entire being! You think I'm kidding? Let's take pain as an example, the heart can generate twice as much pain as happiness, twice as fast on any day. Because it is just so easy for it to experience pain because it is a very delicate membrane that acts like a lens to filter everything and if pain enters it is also filtered but instead of being diluted it is actually distilled, concentrated and injected into a loop that perpetuates into a cloud so black night would look like day when held to it. I can't tell you to make sure your feelings are always happy, I am warning you that this shit gets serious and the pain kind of feels like its mike tyson with eight arms and you are about to believe you have never felt pain like this and then he hits you and you believe that over and over and over again... excruciating would be the smallest idea that could become to compare to this leviathan of emotion... Feelings can change on their own accord as well, we cannot decide to change them and we also cannot try to change them within another... It is just not in our power to do so...

    So when you survive mike its kind of ok for a while because you are numb and it kind of feels like you can deal with stuff again and its numb and then you suddenly experience something again..

    Trust me you start to think you are in control, I thought I was, for a long time, and it was good until I forged a connection way stronger than I anticipated with a kindred heart or shall I say I believe it was a heart with the same level of understanding gained through pain as I, it was something that ripped the numbness out of me like a tainted sheet of rotting core, like a thick leather curtain parted to let light blinding and bright into my being

    Imagine injecting adrenaline into your heart and snorting a heap of ephedrine and tripping on endorphins, imagine that small childish wow-factor you experienced as a kid surging through you and it feels like life is a splash of technicolor madness and freedom as you run on rainbows and never have to touch the ground, dancing from calloused palms to butterfly wings and there are no big questions anymore, life is open and you could probably fly if you tried, nothing is impossible.....

    Yea that's about almost how it feels to experience that joy,
    don't forget what I told you about the pain factor.

    So the sneaky part about feelings? Yea you see its like that heart to heart connection feeds feelings in a rhythmic pulse into you and your heart becomes an amplifier of energies. So now let's say we try and separate that connection to the other heart, or let's say we try to block the energy exchange on some level? Look this is where the pain starts, the heart is nothing more than a finely tuned drum of crimson tone being fed and stimulated by the interaction of another kindred hearts connection so it withers very quickly and lashes out as it starves when these connections become compromised, you see it's like a slow poison is injected into your veins but this is something more like a infected acid permeating your every living molecule and atom in such a fashion like lightning condensed to a thick carcinogenic puss that inflames your soul to a tender membrane desparately trying to contain your core, altogether fragmenting your spirit into shards that slice you into ribbons as it seeps into every orifice and surface of you entire energetic and molecular matrix, the thing we call "you"..

    The heart starves and withers but it does not die...
    Imagine dissolving and reassembling each day, imagine the pain is something you cannot call pain because you are too afraid that it might sound like a joke because inside you know this is nothing like pain, it is the seed of pain, the mana it feeds from to grow and grate you raw. You become a vessel of this "mana" or "force" and it leaks out of you as you try to contain it because you cannot be consumed again...

    I would say this pain is paralysing in intensity but it does not paralyse, it drives you insane and drives you like a broken promise blowing over a volcano in a jetstream fashion
    your spirit becomes a genie without a lamp and it feels like it cannot just get back into you for a second to remind you of anything else because you are too full of pain and all those other things and memories we all call pain.

    I would highly recommend caution when dealing with the heart and this thing we call "love" you see its like a word that means one thing but it actually has a different meaning for everybody, until you discover what love really means, and I would recommend being prepared on some levels at least when your heart starts to awaken because it will indeed shake your core and if you try to ignore it, I emphasise TRY to ignore it, it will consume you. Be it a trip to the mental institute or an epiphany.

    I'm just saying, don't underestimate this thing, it is more than a muscle that throbs, we can call it an organ but that would be like calling the sun a star.....

    Submitted on 2011-07-05 16:41:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yes, the heart starves and withers but does not die...although sometimes we might be better off if it didn't live to almost die another day.

    not qualified to comment critically on prose...really....but i found this interesting.

    sort of that stream of consciousness, kind of like a philosopher fused with william faulkner---i feel mississippi...and streams of pain in August.

    | Posted on 2011-07-06 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Imagine Love, as a dream, a breath of air, life on a roller coaster acid trip, and inarticulate scream. A broken illusion, the pain-spasm-pain of an Ischemic tension that wont go away, a puncture wound, Cupids arrow driven deeper as you pull them closer, jagged arrow, rending flesh and bone as it is torn out, as Cupid laughs in your face. More than Ice, but borne of the Fires of passion, whelped by the Wind of broken sobs and Water of salted tears

    What Love is? Why are the Oceans so large, but nigh the only bodys of water that are salty?

    Because the heart will always bring forth tears.

    An elegant, but brutal description. Someone call Websters and tell them they have the wrong definition in their books.

    | Posted on 2011-07-06 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      Imagine dissolving and reassembling each day, imagine the pain is something you cannot call pain because you are too afraid that it might sound like a joke because inside you know this is nothing like pain, it is the seed of pain, the mana it feeds from to grow and grate you raw. You become a vessel of this "mana" or "force" and it leaks out of you as you try to contain it because you cannot be consumed again...

    Imagine an emotional reservoir whose skin is thin as rice paper and whose bones are as brittle as sticks. The ice flowing through your veins, numbing the nerve endings, would be welcome relief from the endless abrasion of other hearts as thinly protected your own. Imagine the need to retreat, to dream, to renew. Imagine that same muscle drawn back to its counterpart, its opposite equal. Imagine love...
    | Posted on 2011-07-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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