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    dots Submission Name: I don't know what you think when you look at dots

    Author: UnderlinedInRed
    ASL Info:    18/f/PA
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 196/262/123
    Words: 129
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 400
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 746


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI don't know what you think when you look at dots

    I donít know what you think when you look at me
    I know you can see me squirm sometimes, wriggle around
    Hide under covers, pretend I canít be found.

    I donít know what you think when you look at me
    The lonely eyelash which has nested on my cheek,
    Or the tearful brown eyes that display hardships of the weak.

    I donít know what you think when you look at me
    Whether faithfully calm or distastefully noncompliant,
    Itís your gaze that has left me unwillingly reliant.

    I donít know what you think when you look at me
    But I can promise you this:
    When I look at you, I think nothing more
    Than how much I long for
    One more kiss.

    Submitted on 2011-07-14 19:21:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "I don't mind the sun sometimes
    The images it shows
    I can taste you on my lips
    And smell you in my clothes
    Cinnamon and sugary
    And softly spoken lies
    You never know just how you look
    Through other people's eyes"

    OneDarkFlame made me chuckle, but he's right. The twist at the end made it pretty cute. The imagery it generates paints a beautiful picture. I thought it was quite nice.

    The Bird
    | Posted on 2011-07-19 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]
      It's so hard not knowing what the other person thinks of you. Sometimes, it's good but most other times, you just look for hints.

    I think your third stanza is the strongest of all. It flows very well and sounds poetic to my lips. The others, though the image is perfectly clear didn't have as strong of an impact as the third one.

    I loved your twist in the very last stanza. It finished the poem quite well. It's a nice cuddly poem to say to a loved one.

    | Posted on 2011-07-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      it's a moment captured well...i particularly like the sound of the third stanza..and the way you used "noncompliant and reliant"

    not often poetic words...and could have sounded awkward and forced...but didn't.

    fairly simple...but with lime twist, kind of tart.


    | Posted on 2011-07-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was a really good write. I've never said this before, and I hope never to again, but this was "cute".
    It's very romantic in it's nature.
    | Posted on 2011-07-14 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]

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