Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
Murder Me -------------------------------------------
Murder me
Make me feel alive
Souls are everchanging
As if on the edge of a knife
Why am i here?
What must i demand?
I love the way you hold me
You ease the suffering i withstand
Do my feelings scare you?
Our chosen life flutters away
Admist the pain and triumph
Love is to cease the day
a classic ABCB rhyme structure. used fairly well with a secondary concern for rhyme, emphasis being on content here. That fits the piece well, kind of insenuates a realness that shouts "hey i don't care if it doesn't rhyme, this is the word." I like it, well done.
whoa...pretty gripping stuff...the first two lines had me from hellol..."murder me/ make me feel alive...man this is really good...minimal and powerful...great job!
Submission Name: Murder Me
