Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sessiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 485
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1271



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSessiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    " Blessed is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him "


    The air inside compensated for the humid hell on the outside
    It was frigid and brought goosebumps to the skin

    A blank stretch of canvas lay before her.
    But emptiness and lack of definition were forgiving,
    encouraging,
    to rest
    to peace
    to silence

    expectantly the phone rang, excitement released inside her,
    to speak,
    to hear the voice of her lover
    she picked up the phone,
    "hello?''
    accusing lines sprang forth from the other end
    m
    creating on the empty space before her hostile scratches that cut
    suicidal angles,
    starting at the highest altitude and making a sudden drop all the way to the foot

    Her heart rose to her throat, anxiety and panic overwhelmed her

    She wept a single tear and let out one small whimper before she caught her breathe
    whispered to the air that dangled before her
    thank you
    for my lungs





    Submitted on 2011-07-19 16:22:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "to peace"

    Is this even possible in the English language? :) I dunno, it sounds a bit forced. The poem on a whole is decent, yet I feel like something is lacking. Maybe you should concentrate on the flow a bit more...

    | Posted on 2011-07-19 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      it was like she was painting a portrait of herself...was interrupted...the voice on the phone admonishing her life style...telling her to change the portrait...and she sighs to the phone...gratitude, given a second chance.

    jacob

    the "m" threw me off somewhat

    again there is like a Plath feeling here as anne sexton described plath's suicide...like a phone off the hook...an unfinished call....

    but at the end, she breathes...able to continue her life.
    | Posted on 2011-07-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191714

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry