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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sessiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 497
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1271



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSessiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    " Blessed is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him "


    The air inside compensated for the humid hell on the outside
    It was frigid and brought goosebumps to the skin

    A blank stretch of canvas lay before her.
    But emptiness and lack of definition were forgiving,
    encouraging,
    to rest
    to peace
    to silence

    expectantly the phone rang, excitement released inside her,
    to speak,
    to hear the voice of her lover
    she picked up the phone,
    "hello?''
    accusing lines sprang forth from the other end
    m
    creating on the empty space before her hostile scratches that cut
    suicidal angles,
    starting at the highest altitude and making a sudden drop all the way to the foot

    Her heart rose to her throat, anxiety and panic overwhelmed her

    She wept a single tear and let out one small whimper before she caught her breathe
    whispered to the air that dangled before her
    thank you
    for my lungs





    Submitted on 2011-07-19 16:22:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "to peace"

    Is this even possible in the English language? :) I dunno, it sounds a bit forced. The poem on a whole is decent, yet I feel like something is lacking. Maybe you should concentrate on the flow a bit more...

    | Posted on 2011-07-19 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      it was like she was painting a portrait of herself...was interrupted...the voice on the phone admonishing her life style...telling her to change the portrait...and she sighs to the phone...gratitude, given a second chance.

    jacob

    the "m" threw me off somewhat

    again there is like a Plath feeling here as anne sexton described plath's suicide...like a phone off the hook...an unfinished call....

    but at the end, she breathes...able to continue her life.
    | Posted on 2011-07-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


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