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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cracksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 797



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Cracksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    in between
    rations and imaginations
    a railway station
    conversates with
    the morning dew
    questioning direction
    and reason for
    travel
    and thinking back on the warmth on the rails as wheels scrape against metal
    grinding off any debri or mental notes left over from
    events
    Mountains laugh in the distance like large bellied uncles watching silly nephews scrape their knees
    The sun beats down indifferently occasionally checking the clock down in central station
    and She knows that it is more than a minute off
    Towers sway like foreign soldiers
    or travleors from outer space

    A yawn of light spreads out for miles and miles and spins a web for the shadows in the settling of tonight




    Submitted on 2011-07-20 10:31:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I will try and be brutally honest !!

    Firstly, you got something out of the box. Stuff that calls for closing your eyes, and just letting what comes to your mind flash.

    I like that pretty much.

    But I tend to mix reality and the surreal. This makes me question what you try to express.

    Lemme know if I am write or wrong --- Were you trying to express how you feel all along -- and comparing your feelings with the motion and environment while in a train ... drawing metaphors between reality via the fictitious surrounding

    Whatever be the case ... you got a very distinct and different style ... which makes one imagine and contrast

    Cheers,
    AbsolutelyLost
    | Posted on 2011-09-23 00:00:00 | by AbsolutelyLost | [ Reply to This ]
      freaking amazing, i wish i could say more, but im not much for analyzing others work.

    though i do love the line:

    The sun beats down indifferently occasionally checking the clock down in central station
    and She knows that it is more than a minute off

    | Posted on 2011-09-03 00:00:00 | by Mr.Ordinary | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, this might be my favorite from you so far...

    the personification is delicious!

    and the interaction of the railway station, the tracks, the mountain...

    really good stuff...

    i like the humanistic view...on making important decisions in life...it is much like Hemmingway's

    "hills like white elephants"

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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