Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Counting eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 539
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 808



    Description:
       needs work


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCounting eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Salt water swells over a filling eye
    everytime I see a spider die.
    God once spoke and called them holy,
    feels sometimes like God only told me...

    Speaking silky words never heard,
    grounded octopusses spin the earth.
    Silent pluckers of reality's strings,
    unknown angels operating secret schemes.

    Warm kind things they are within
    as their treasured bodies stroke my skin.
    A touch of healing's holy grace
    freely dances onto my face.
    The love exchange knows no pace,
    imagine nirvana, a sacred space..

    Spiders are heaven's watchers,
    summoned from a holy deal,
    asked to help us face our fears.
    Sent to teach us how to feel..

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2011-07-20 17:24:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I am terrified of spiders, but for some reason cannot bring myself to squash the one in my window.

    A unique and therefore refreshing read.
    | Posted on 2011-07-21 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Jacob. The context was there but the rhyming was forced. I like the imagery and the tone though, both very ambigious towards the actual meaning. I hear some creation undertones in there.
    | Posted on 2011-07-21 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      there are some really cool images in this...some very good lines...but it just felt like the rhyme was forced and a bit contrived...let that come naturally if it is going to ...but otherwise, i would like to see you just let it go...even if free verse comes out ---you want the poems not to sound like they were the result of a lot of effort.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-20 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191730

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry