Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Dark Dream The Moonlight of My Fallen Mistressdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Crestfallenman
    ASL Info:    24/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.45 - 622/961/454
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1055



    Description:
       Role play? Additions? If you feel it, why just not go for it? I'm creating my own little world people, so I don't focus on tonight anyone care to join?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Dark Dream The Moonlight of My Fallen Mistressdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a dying format, I await for my darling from the sky. To clench upon as the worlds end is in front of us again. My Veronica where have you been my darling, oh of how I miss your tender white silky skin next to mine. Your starlight eyes looking deep into mine, your hair that brings fever to my manic illness. My darling angel how I yearn to dance with you naked upon the court of graves underneath the gloom shed moon, and take about your deviant sexual desires surrounding the implements of death that secretly silence our sinful acts. To look upon your breasts inside of an artistic abstract, to feel them, so warm, so tender, so pure. A nipple away from thy poetic tongue. To hold your hands and look into you in the most darkest pornographic manner, pushes my fancy just seconds away from organisms. Where art thy Veronica, do you not hear thy desires, are you my Veronica. Or will I endear upon thy thresholds of lonesome unkempt needs to follow. Dear girl do not let my dreams become fantasies, please do not let my love flicker out like a candle.




    Submitted on 2011-07-21 22:20:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was written so well! The context the imagery, it's all so real, and so poetic.

    The reason I think this has gone uncommented on, is because it laks structure.
    Just take what you have, divide it up into stazas and re submit it and you will get more feedback from the other users.

    I like the ending, of not letting dreams become fantasies, that's blurring a fine line my friend.
    I guess hope still lies in dreams because of their faintness and subconscious intracacies. But once it becomes fantasy......
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    191741

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry