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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It Begins with a Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkfeathers
    ASL Info:    19/female/beddybyeland
    Elite Ratio:    2.43 - 4/2/10
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 834



    Description:
       maybe something, most likely nothing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Begins with a Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So this morning I woke with the faint rememberings of a dreaming. There was a Prince and another. I fell in love with both, but knew only one was right. But I couldn't have him, especially after he took over his responsibilities as a prince. So I couple with the other. He was big and strong. Older and darker than most I know. Sweet and caring. He loved me, but I knew even though I was happy, my prince would've made me happier.

    We met through a rebel group. The few humans surviving. We had a mentor who taught us how to fight and how to be a family. We fought monsters who came out of the ground. Kindof like western basilisks. Larger than all of us.

    I woke up when one of the monsters through me over a castle. My prince yelled, "my love!" and i responded likewise in my heart.




    Submitted on 2011-07-22 00:48:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      So this morning I woke with the faint rememberings of a (dream). There was a Prince and (there was) another. I fell in love with both, but (I) knew only one (of them) was right. But I couldn't have him, especially after he took over his responsibilities as a prince. So I (coupled) with the other. He was big and strong. Older and darker than most I know. Sweet and caring. He loved me, but I knew even though I was happy, my prince would've made me happier.

    We met through a rebel group. The few humans surviving. We had a mentor who taught us how to fight and how to be a family. We fought monsters who came out of the ground (like western basilisks, but larger than all of us).

    I woke up when one of the monsters (threw me over the wall of a castle). My prince yelled, "my love!" and I responded likewise in my heart.


    I made a few superficial suggestions regarding corrections to the text, but the overall effect is an interesting opening to a novel or short story should you choose to expand this post. This is also an interesting bit of self analysis/dream interpretation (if it actually is a product of your dreams).

    Keep posting.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      You know what, I think you went for the whole "teen fantasy" realm on purpose.
    I like this, it's like something a teenage girl, which I suppose you are, would kind of announce to her diary or whatnot.
    But this is laced with very cool imagery, and I'm not lying.
    I don't know what you were going for with this one, but I'll tell you, intentional or not, you're a good writer.
    And yes it does all "begin with a dream"

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]


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