[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Blame the Bratwurstdots

    Author: Runes
    Elite Ratio:    5.29 - 790/815/281
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 795
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlame the Bratwurstdots

    Funny how in my dreams you're never dead
    and we're living a bad take-out order
    of chili dogs and styrofoam coffee, spending
    half the night looking for the missing sugar.
    Your tongue is blue from licking the sky,
    and even though I want to taste, you tell me
    I'm too young to blow the clouds aside
    and get that sweet flavor of heaven.

    Last night I dressed you in velvet miles
    and borrowed a tiara from Ramona that was
    drag-liciously loaded with shooting stars.
    The bed sheets burned with tiny sparkles
    that left small pin-holes in the fabric,
    but when i woke and checked for damage,
    I found they were still just the same.

    Submitted on 2011-07-22 04:50:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      then all the angels gathered at the drive through
    put in their orders, passed the time
    wondering how it felt to be a human
    rather than the knowing smile of rhyme
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is, like everyone else already stated, lovely. I don't know the pain of having a loved one die, past a couple of cats and my grandpa, but I was too young to be sad.

    However I do know the pain of loss, from a teenage perspective, and you do find yourself interacting with the one you lossed, if only in your sleep.

    This piece was written very well btw.

    "You're tongue is blue from licking the sky,
    and even though I want to taste, you tell me
    I'm too young to blow the clouds aside
    and get that sweet flavor of heaven."

    That line was PACKED full of emotion.

    Great write, and a favorites addition for sure.


    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know what to say.. This is really lovely, sometimes we want the take-out order fun of life to last beyond it's lifespan and we are left wondering where we went wrong instead of realising we never had enough time..
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Simply amazing, Runes. You light up the board with this one....

    I love the notion of being "too young to blow the clouds aside and get that sweet flavor of heaven". Incredible imagery.

    And the "pinholes" in the sheets....makes me envision the night sky...how it can resemble a black sheet with the starry pinholes in it...

    Excellent write, as always
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      it was like going to the dance...getting (as meatloaf would say) all dressed up with no place to go...
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      this is intense...missing a friend, all the reminders brought up by a trigger, the bratwurst...

    there are so many good lines in this...and the phrasing..."drag-liciously loaded with shooting stars"
    "your tongue is blue from licking the sky"

    love that...change the "you're to your"

    it was so real i checked for damage the next morning..but it was just a dream...and i was living " a bad take-out order"

    your creativity in your poetry never ceases to amaze me...

    love this

    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      H Runes good composition. Reads well. I didnot favor Brattwurst for some reason. I remember it is a bit spicy for my palate. Bock-wurst works for me.

    Keep well Joachim
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]