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    dots Submission Name: Lucky scarsdots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 70
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 754
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLucky scarsdots

    I asked how she got her lucky scars
    as she tried to juggle razor horseshoes.
    The skin is but decoration she pleas,
    a sweet reminder bursting our seams.

    Life, the phase we seem to be going through
    plays knotted games with our wholes.
    I digress from it to see your smile play around,
    like a child pausing, to see God's face in a pond.


    Submitted on 2011-07-22 05:32:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      If I were to comment thoroughly on this then I would very closely be echoing jacob. This is wonderful though, thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2011-07-25 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      It is not the scars that are decoration, it is the skin.

    Life will scar. Even luck is not always lucky.

    Life is only a phase. We reason because we think that is what we are supposed to do. Yet when we yield to our superstitions, our whimsical fantasies, our childlike desire to grasp for something more, that is when we seem to see the truth most clearly.

    But clearness is sharpness, and that which is sharp can also cut.

    Only one little nitpick... I'm not quite sure what you meant with "pleas." I wanted to add a 'd' and make it "pleads."
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by BlankSheet | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good...nice near rhyme..you work that well...i like the double meaning of "wholes"

    i like "juggle razor horseshoes"

    nice image..quirky...different

    the "i digress" line throws me because rhythmically it is so out of synch with the rest...

    it stops me short of savoring the last line, which is a really good ending.
    maybe the first lines of second stanza too..a bit of tweaking and smoothing out...and it matches the intensity of the first stanza.

    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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