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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: u r my heart mother nature dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: afra
    ASL Info:    15/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    1.33 - 4/9/19
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 585
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsu r my heart mother nature dots
    -------------------------------------------


    when you cry it starts to rain ,
    when you smile rainbow comes again,

    when you are angry there is a thunder storm ,
    when you are glad every thing becomes cram,

    when you are happy there comes the spring ,
    in my life you are my every thing ,

    there comes a big earthquake ,
    when ever your heart brakes ,

    and when its starts to heal ,
    summer again i can clearly feel,

    au tum comes when you are sad ,
    for you i also fell bad ,

    winter comes when you fell alone and cold ,
    and the only sun is the rig of gold ,

    your feelings are the mother nature of my heart ,
    feel it before its falls apart ..................................,




    Submitted on 2011-07-22 08:34:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      thank u so much billy ........
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by afra | [ Reply to This ]
      when you cry it starts to rain
    when you smile (rainbows come) again

    when you are angry there is a thunder storm
    when you are glad everything becomes (calm)

    when you are happy there comes the spring
    in my life you are my everything

    there comes a big earthquake
    when ever your heart (breaks)

    and when (it) starts to heal
    summer again (I) can clearly feel

    (autumn) comes when you are sad
    for you (I) also (feel) bad

    winter comes when you (feel) alone and cold
    and only the sun is (a ring) of gold

    your feelings are the mother nature of my heart
    feel it before (it) falls apart ................................


    This is a an interesting collection of thoughts tied to nature. I don't think all the commas at the end of each line are necessary and the fifth to the last line is a bit weak, but the write has potential. I made a few suggestions regarding word choice, spelling, and grammar which you are free to use or ignore as you see fit.

    One last thing. Is English your mother tongue or a second language? If it is your second language, you seem to have mastered it better than most native speakers.

    Keep writing and welcome to the site.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2011-07-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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    191753

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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