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    dots Submission Name: when i'll be dead dots

    Author: afra
    ASL Info:    15/female/canada
    Elite Ratio:    1.33 - 4/9/19
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 916


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhen i'll be dead dots

    when i'll be dead ,
    u'll remember the things i have said ,
    u'll cry for me in your bed ,
    u'll not be able to get me out of your head ,

    fro me u'll always cry ,
    to forget me u'll try ,
    tears will always be in your eye ,
    u'll feel sorry cause u lie,

    when i'll close my eyes forever ,
    u'll forget all my mistakes and hate me never ,
    then i wont be ''what ever '',
    u'll wish i could come back forever ,

    but i wont be able to hear that all ,
    i wont be able to come back when u call,
    u wont be able to stop your tears to fall,
    instead u will love me once and for all ,

    remove your hate (for me ),
    before its to late ,
    let me be your love mate ,
    we can forget every thing at this state ,

    Submitted on 2011-07-23 09:24:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not really a good critique lol but this poem was very heartfelt, I love how you've penned the emotions here great job :)
    | Posted on 2011-07-24 00:00:00 | by AltheaLaochra | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm no Poe but I need to let you know. I have read your last 3 posts and I can very clearly see where you need to improve.

    I ryhm more than most in my poetry but your making it cliché and over used.

    If your going to ryhm every single line of every stanza the same you must have flow and whit.

    By all means use poetry to vent and muse, never stop. However, you still need to make it some thing others might relate too. Otherwise its just therapy, which only you can relate too.

    Proof read, dont miss spell, and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]
      sorry ....
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by afra | [ Reply to This ]
      ok .........
    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by afra | [ Reply to This ]

    too many posts at once...try limiting it to two..that is the ES rule...that way others get to expose their work also...

    click terms of use on the bottom of the Elite Posts page.

    it is a community where everyone wants to be heard.

    and a give and take makes the poetry go round...

    giving comments will ensure that others will more likely respond to your work...

    it's about sharing
    hope to see you join in...

    | Posted on 2011-07-23 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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